Say what you really mean

I've been thinking about and talking about dress codes in middle school for a ridiculous amount of time now. I'm a little surprised at myself. Eh, sometimes I get obsessed about something and I just cannot let it drop.

It would be simplistic to say that it is only dress codes that are the problem. I think what dress regulations do is attempt to codify the social rules we already have in place. That is why they seem so scattered and condescending. That is why they're arbitrary. They are what you get when you try to define a thing by only saying what it is not.  As in, "You may not wear <insert arbitrarily deemed offensive article of clothing> at school."

But perhaps it better to really say what we mean as a society.

"We, as your elders, are made uncomfortable when we watch your budding sexuality as young women. If you dress in ways that celebrate your sexuality, we still want ways to punish and shame you for it under the guise of it being a dress code. We are telling ourselves that shaming you and punishing you are ways for us to protect you. We believe we are acting in your best interests by denying you instructional time, pointing out to the rest of your classmates that we think you are being slutty, and that you should be considered slutty by others; it is doing our part to label you and your reputation with your peers. We think we are protecting you by forcing modest clothing choices upon you. It is important for you to be indoctrinated with the belief that your clothing will protect you from unwanted sexual advances or attacks. By the word modest, we think you should not wear clothing that celebrates your female form, unless it is for an activity that promotes school spirit like cheerleading outfits or volleyball briefs. We choose to remain ignorant to the harm dress code infractions do to you and your schooling environment. The harms to you include lost instructional time, self doubt and shame, the simple physical discomfort of wearing other clothes over your outfit, and the ire your parents may feel towards you for having gotten dress coded. We would rather you avoid our gaze and think we as staff are doing nothing but judging your outfits. Because we are judging your outfits. We think it is more important to punish you than create and environment where you feel safe talking to us without our judging eyes upon you. Your education is not as important to us as is the education of the other students. And by other students, we mean the boys. Because you are distracting them with your bodies. We would never say that we resent you for being young and pretty, but it may have crossed our minds."

My peers, we have gotten too far away from being young and foolish; we have forgotten how stifling it was to live under arbitrary rules. My peers, please recognize that we are carrying some heavy baggage that steers us to foster rape culture. My peers, we need to rise above so that our daughters don't have their voices silenced and education stymied by something as trivial as a dress code.

Let them be.