Prank

One of Hubbys's new coworkers keeps a full bottle of Mischief whiskey on his desk. It is an artisinal whiskey that is brewed in Seattle. We recently finished a bottle. Such a beautiful bottle so I didn't really want to recycle it. Weirdly there is some outdated law that prohibits the reuse of liquor bottles. I don't claim to understand it. For weeks I kept the bottle on the shelf but recently decided to recycle it.

Had I known about hub's co-worker, oh the fun we could have had!

1. Hubs loudly brags that he has successfully achieved his 180 days of sobriety chip from AA. Let that gem percolate through the workplace.

2. Day before next step, wear an easy to remember shirt, maybe loud Hawaiian print.

3. Get into work early wearing same clothes as previous day with empty bottle. Hide full bottle. Pretend to be passed out on co-worker's office floor with empty bottle clutched to chest.

4. Hijinks ensue!

Papa

It's father's day here in the USA. I am pretty certain it was a holiday given us by Hallmark. It's not a bad thing. Consider all the people employed by manufacturers of singing bass, silk ties, golf clubs, grill implements, and house slippers. Having Father's Day to cycle through all that inventory is a boon. Walked into the hardware store or sporting goods store lately?

Today, men across this great nation will fire up grills and cook outside -- not because they want to per se -- but because it is expected of them as fathers. There is something really primal about grilling food outside. I think it speaks to a man's inner Neanderthal. Bring home meat, make fire, burn meat, feed young.

Years ago we were all home for somebody's birthday for whatever reason. Dad wanted to get a gas grill for his Father's Day present. Oh the debates! My brother the chef dissuaded my dad from that choice. Yes, the fire comes on instantly. Yes, the clean up is easier. But Dad, the FLAVOR! My brothers and I ran over Dad with that one. You can't beat the flavor of the smokey carcinogens on a good piece of meat. We got Dad a Weber grill, and to make it even more ridiculous, we got a special edition Homer Simpson grill. To his credit, my chef brother made the best prime rib I've ever tasted on that grill to break that puppy in. In hindsight, I suppose we should have let Dad have the grill he wanted -- but in his way, he let us have what we wanted, just like always.

I have a father's day card that I bought ages ago. It was one of those that I meant to send to my dad but forgot and then figured I'd just send to him the next year. It is a little embarrassing how many cards like that I have. What I didn't know is that the next year never came for me. So this card is like a bad penny. It just keeps showing up -- a little emotional grenade that can derail me at a moment's notice.

This Christmas Eve marks the 10th anniversary of my dad's passing. The soul crushing grief has passed for me. It is still accessible though, and no less surprising. I remember watching a scene from Gray's Anatomy (a television show that I never got swept up into so I don't know the character's names) but one of the characters had lost his dad and said, " I don't know how I'm supposed to live without him." And the other person in the scene who had disclosed that she lost her father years ago said, "Me too."

It has been nearly a decade of Fathers Days for me with only my kids' dad to think about. And he's a fantastic dad. I chose incredibly well. I remember what sealed it. We were still a very new couple, but went to visit his family in LA. His niece was maybe 2 years old at the time and he sat on the floor with the limited toys at his parents' house and turned a beach pail and shovel into a hat and comb, a bowl and scoop, and a pirate's stump and hook, for his niece. She was a little shy at first because her uncle had been away for school. But within a few minutes, he was her favorite human being.

He revels in our children. Truly enjoys their company. He reminds me that they're interesting and fantastic people -- not just my daily grind. And after all these years, he still makes me laugh.

To celebrate this father's day we're going to grill up some steak, take in a show, and then head out to his favorite restaurant to get a heart attack inducing burger. Burn meat, feed young. Indeed.