Girl Scout camping without girls

This weekend was the first ever Peninsula Girl Scout leader retreat. I'm not 100% sure what I want to say about this past weekend other than the very non descriptive:  It was AWESOME!!! We had representatives from all over the peninsula including vampire/werewolf country:  Forks, WA. I'm thinking I need to make a dig to the SU's from Bremerton and Poulsbo because they missed out on a fabulous weekend. We talked a lot about the girls, commiserated about challenges, things we had learned, but mostly just got together and had a freaking blast.


Our contingent ended up getting there a little later than we should have. Turns out it is hard to find the camp in the dark. It is in the middle of BFE, I mean, the Tahuya National forest. The sign for the dirt road turn off for the camp is about the size of notebook paper. Anyhow, when we did finally get our gear put in the cabin and get downstairs to meet the rest of the people, I have to admit, I was a little intimidated. That didn't last very long, mind you. But still, I was a little nervous. The whole point of the weekend was for leaders from all over to get to know each other. 


I walked into that room and I thought they all were a bunch of old friends -- they all must have come from the same area. I had to fight that urge to sit by myself or find a table that had enough seats for my contingent to sit together. Instead, I went to a table already in the middle of something -- unwrapping the hershey kisses on the table so they could make a foil ball to see if they could make the trash can from across the room. (It made sense then. What can I say?) Anyhow, I got right in the middle of this and I was welcomed instantly. Cool, right? Turns out that these ladies weren't all from the same service unit. Turns out a lot of them had just met the hour before. But how cool is that?


The next day we could attend discussions, do crafts (which were pretty darned cool -- batik & decoupage -- not at the same time but I suppose you could) or whatever we wanted. I took a hike around the lake after we attended a morning discussion about resources in our local communities. Later that afternoon we had a great discussion about the new Girl Scouting program. Yes, has changed once again and it is really really cool. Change is good. Stagnation is bad. Stagnation = irrelevance. It's that simple.


The food was fabulous. (Honestly, when do you get creme brûlée while camping?)There were flushing toilets, showers & electricity but my data connection was spotty at best. (I know, lame to use a cell phone during a camp out but how else was I going to check my Facebook?)


And while we were on our weekend high, our group decided to host next year's event. This was an event pulled together just since this past June and already the bar is set crazy high. But since we have a year to put it together, hopefully it won't be too bad. 


Just don't know how to top creme brûlée.

Death ettiqette

Was talking to a girl friend of mine today and we realized that we are at that age when our elders are headed for the exit. There just seems to always be somebody in our circle of acquaintances or friends that has suffered a major loss of some kind.

She knows somebody whose father just died. Here's the problem:  she doesn't know this person very well. She is an acquaintance. You know the kind of person you recognize, but rarely get past the "how are you/fine thanks, and you/ fine/good seeing you, bye/bye," cycle of conversation. Should she acknowledge the deep and profound loss that this person has experienced, or should she just remain in her usual cycle? Would it be considered rude not to offer condolences?

To answer her question, I told her that I didn't think she should offer her sympathies. Here's why.

When my father died, it was the first major loss I had suffered as an adult. It was catastrophic. I barely could make it out of the house. In hindsight, I probably could have sought medical care and probably had dealt with the loss better. But despite the lack of medical intervention, I did have my better days. I did what people had done for millennia, sucked it up, put on my big girl pants, and went out into the world to do what needed to be done. Those early days of grief were probably the hardest. But I'd have to go to the store and get groceries like everybody else.

Anyone who lives on an island knows that no matter how big the population is, you start to recognize everybody. You also come to love the times of the day that most people don't frequent the grocery store so your 30 minute shopping doesn't include an impromptu conversation. Stack a few of those up and you're in there for over an hour.

So I was shopping, actually doing pretty well. Hadn't cried yet that day and was well entrenched in picking the right tomatoes or whatever, when I had one of those friendly acquaintances say hello. And so I got into my cycle of how are you/fine, thanks/and you... when she went off the script and said, "Oh, I heard that your father died. I'm sorry for your loss."

w  t  f

I was instantly plunged back into my despair, tears welling up into my eyes, and this woman, this woman I barely knew, walked away with her shopping cart as I was left to pull myself together again.

So I told my friend that if it were me, I wouldn't say anything. Not unless I was willing to put my arms around this nearly perfect stranger and try to truly act out the words, "I'm sorry for your loss." Those words aren't like the little niceties that we throw away with little regard. Truly empathizing, truly being sorry that they are going through this grief, simply should cost. That's why we bring tubs of potato salad, tuna casserole, potted flowers, and more importantly, hugs and presence. Because that is what being truly sorry for another's loss means.

Maybe I'm wrong, but I know that I didn't want that woman to leave her script.

Nerd moment of the day

What: Hubby & I watching an interview with Peter Dinklage talking about the Lannisters:

They're evil, they're corrupt? I don't know... Nobody's black and white. There's no villans and heros. Everybody has faults... The Lannisters have that as well.

Me:  Not Cersei. She's pure villan. There's nothing good about her.

Him:  She loves her kids.

Me:  Yeah, so did Vader. But he still destroyed a planet.


So, how's my nerd cred now?