Karaoke gone bad

Last week I was mildly sexually assaulted.

That's a strange sentence to write.

I'm not exaggerating nor am I equivocating on the word, "assault," by saying that it was mild. It was. I'm not bruised or beaten. I did not suffer from a violent rape. But I was sexually assaulted.

I love to sing karaoke. I have a decent voice. People who have heard me sing have told me that I have the voice of an angel; that I should be singing professionally.

Drunk people are people.

A few Fridays of the month (who am I kidding, most Fridays) I'll go to the local cantina and sing. It's been getting weirder just because it feels like the populace that shows up there are more likely to be young kids in their early twenties. There are regulars -- guys who show up for heavy handed pours and the pool table. These guys look more like my age -- in their 40's or 50's.

One of those guys is named Conner. He proclaims himself my best fan. When I show up and sing, he showers me with compliments. Sometimes he likes to sing with me. No big deal. Karaoke is a crowd sourced entertainment.

This last Friday, after singing with me -- getting a little too close while we were sharing a mic, he came over to my friends and my table and chatted with us. Told me that he was going off on a trip. Told him to enjoy himself. He said he'd be gone for a long time. At some point he wandered away.

I went up to sing a song with a guy friend. While I was actively singing, my eyes looking up at the screen for the lyrics, Connor came up to me grabbed me around the waist and aggressively kissed me on the cheek. I had fleetingly thought he was getting in close to share the mic. I was turning my face to look at him when he kissed me. He caught a bit of my lips because I had moved. Ewww. I didn't even see it coming. As if that weren't bad enough, he quickly let go of me, walked around me, and slapped me on the butt.

No joke.

I was flabbergasted. He practically ran out the back door. It took me a moment to process. I think the look on my face was utter shock because the guy I was singing with looked at me and asked what had just happened.

When our song was over, I answered, "I think I was just sexually assaulted."

What comes next shows how wrong and terribly ingrained our cultural beliefs around assault are.

I immediately thought, "What did I do to encourage that?" I share the mic with tons of people, men and women alike. I'm not terribly discriminating about that because I love to sing. I love karaoke. I don't think it is a bad thing for me to do. And since there are only 2 mics, sometimes I do get in close to the other person. There isn't anything sexually implied by that.

Next, I did an inventory of what I was wearing. For the curious, I was wearing a mom uniform -- denim capris, a green wrap around shirt, my Seahawks hoodie, and brown wedge sandals. It was Blue Friday after all. For make up, I had powdered my face, put on some eyeliner, and nude colored lipstick. Also, not particularly suggestive.

Lastly, I wondered if the violation I felt was worthy of being classified as an assault. I never welcomed this kind of touching. He kissed me and touched my ass without my permission. But we were fully clothed. We were surrounded by people. What had happened was witnessed by a bunch of folks. What did they think just happened? Was it assault?

Take it from me, I'm angry with myself. Not because I put myself in that situation. (Eff that.) Not because I was dressed suggestively. (I wasn't.) Not because I wasn't fast enough to clock this guy as he deserved. (Okay, maybe a little bit on that one.)

I'm angry with myself because of the three things I immediately considered when I was assaulted. What did I do to encourage that? What was I wearing; what did I say? Does this rise to the word assault?

That crap has got to change.

At least, I know that it exists.