Bachi

Lately, my 10 year old son and I have been butting heads. He's become very adversarial. If I say he should wear a raincoat, he will state 20 reasons why he shouldn't. If I tell him to get ready for bed, he will come up with dozens of reasons why that isn't a good idea -- and after arguing all of those points, will have succeeded in staying up an additional 30 minutes past bed time. If I ask if his homework is complete, he says that there isn't any. (yeah, right.) It took him an hour to bring the trash out to the curb for collection yesterday evening. Not because the job is so onerous, but because he had to argue reasons why he couldn't do it right at that moment. There are many days that I just feel like I'm getting played.

So yesterday, a very exasperated me told him this:

It is my fondest hope that when you are an adult, you have a child who is exactly like you. And when that happens, I'll visit your house and slip that kid some espresso and vodka. Then I'll sit back and laugh my ass off. Hahahahaha! (crazy laugh)

I don't know why I thought vodka. Maybe I was thinking an espresso drink with vodka for me right about then wouldn't have been a bad idea. But I'll muddle through.

Shucks, last night Princess actually suggested that it wouldn't be a bad idea to send That to boarding school. She asked me if I had looked into that yet.

The scary part is that I know I'm no where near the worst of it. I know that true teenager-hood is just around the corner. I only have a handful of years left to instill within him the values that are important to his father and me. I get that every boy needs to test his limits and challenge authority but it is exhausting. Hey, do you think my mom slipped him some vodka and espresso last time she was here? She's coming back in a couple of days.

In the meantime, if any of you out there know of any good boarding schools -- Catholic or military, send me the contact info in the comments. Be sure to include the information for yearly tuition and fees.