It was our younger daughter’s birthday on Friday. Our traditional yearly visit to the beach for this occasion was foiled by the weather; 100% chance of rain was the forecast. Instead we strung together a bunch of her favorite things for her birthday. She could invite a friend and we would do all the fun things she could think of. On the agenda: Riding the monorail to Seattle Center, walking around Pacific Science Center, dining at the Old Spaghetti Factory, wandering the outdoor art exhibit from SAM, and lastly riding the Seattle Great Wheel. All of which was bookended by rides on the ferry across the sound which is its own kind of excitement.
When we landed in Seattle, the two teens complained that we weren’t going to start the outing with food. They were both hungry so I sent them off with some pocket money and they promised to meet us at the Pacific Science Center.
When they finally arrived at the Pacific Science Center, I was surprised to find my 14 year old daughter unashamedly jumping into my arms and hugging me like she had been spooked. I hugged her, happy to be embraced but then aware that this wasn’t normal for her out in public.
“What’s wrong?”
“Nothing.”
“Something’s wrong. What happened?” I asked into her hair, her cheek pressed against my neck.
“Some guy grabbed my ass when I was walking off the ferry.”
My baby girl had been assaulted by some slimy guy. Sure I felt rage, sure I wanted to cut somebody. But I kept my voice even and asked, “Did you see who did it?”
“No, he got into the crowd before I could react. It was just as we were leaving the terminal, right as we get on the overpass. My brother was walking in front of me so I didn’t look like I was with him.”
This alone broke my heart. The idea that she’d be safer if she were "owned" by a man -- a boyfriend, brother, or father -- was already indoctrinated in her somehow. I’ve never consciously told her that this is how to protect yourself from unwanted attention but I’ve done it myself. I wore fake engagement rings when I was in my early twenties; I remember to arm myself with my wedding set whenever I’m traveling or going out for ladies night. It somehow keeps unwanted attention away. Except that sometimes even that doesn’t work. The whole concept is a holdover from a time when women were chattel and men were our owners. Isn't the fact of our personhood enough? The fact that we are complete human beings should give us the right to control our bodies and be allowed to walk around unmolested.
In the end, she could only remember that he was wearing a hoodie and jeans. She couldn't even tell what race he was. She was absolutely shaken.
For the past couple of years, I've mentioned to her when I'd caught boys and young men noticing her. She's been oblivious to the attention. It's been really sweet -- this little bit of innocence still preserved in her. When she and I walked in Seattle in the past, we'd heard comments or whistles and while I bristled at the attention, she laughed. She never internalized the threat or recognized it as such. Perhaps it's because the scales fell from my eyes so long ago, I have always been aware of the danger.
But with this assault, her eyes have finally opened.
She recalled to me this past summer when she went to Girl Scout Camp with her troop. The girls were going swimming in Hood Canal and the rocky seabed they were walking on was covered with seaweed so she was trying to be careful where she stepped.
"I looked down noticed that the seaweed was moving funny. It turned out it was one of those green spider crabs. I was just about to step down on it so I'm glad I saw it. Then I looked at the rocks and what I had thought was seaweed was actually crabs. There were hundreds of them. They were everywhere. That's what this is like."
She told me of walking hand in hand with her brother through the pedestrian traffic of Pike Place Market and seeing for the first time the looks from men. The greetings and whistles she had so easily laughed off turned into dangerous situations. Despite her 6'4 brother, she felt afraid. The crabs were everywhere.
So I'm angry.
But the amazing Girl Scout she is, she said to me today, "Mom, this year I really want our troop to work on self defense and personal safety." The Girl Scout process is 3 steps: Discover, Connect, Take Action. I wish she didn't have to discover and connect with the issue so intimately.
Watch out lecherous jerks, this Girl Scout is about to take action.
*UPDATE* A couple of you have asked me what my husband's reaction was. That evening he was not particularly demonstrative. He was quiet as is his way. But this morning he read my blog and the reactions to the post. He told me that he is certain he'd have been in jail had be witnessed the event. Violence begets violence. It's part of our animal nature. This is what violence against women looks like and why we react with anger and rage. This stuff has got to stop.
In the end, she could only remember that he was wearing a hoodie and jeans. She couldn't even tell what race he was. She was absolutely shaken.
For the past couple of years, I've mentioned to her when I'd caught boys and young men noticing her. She's been oblivious to the attention. It's been really sweet -- this little bit of innocence still preserved in her. When she and I walked in Seattle in the past, we'd heard comments or whistles and while I bristled at the attention, she laughed. She never internalized the threat or recognized it as such. Perhaps it's because the scales fell from my eyes so long ago, I have always been aware of the danger.
But with this assault, her eyes have finally opened.
She recalled to me this past summer when she went to Girl Scout Camp with her troop. The girls were going swimming in Hood Canal and the rocky seabed they were walking on was covered with seaweed so she was trying to be careful where she stepped.
"I looked down noticed that the seaweed was moving funny. It turned out it was one of those green spider crabs. I was just about to step down on it so I'm glad I saw it. Then I looked at the rocks and what I had thought was seaweed was actually crabs. There were hundreds of them. They were everywhere. That's what this is like."
She told me of walking hand in hand with her brother through the pedestrian traffic of Pike Place Market and seeing for the first time the looks from men. The greetings and whistles she had so easily laughed off turned into dangerous situations. Despite her 6'4 brother, she felt afraid. The crabs were everywhere.
So I'm angry.
But the amazing Girl Scout she is, she said to me today, "Mom, this year I really want our troop to work on self defense and personal safety." The Girl Scout process is 3 steps: Discover, Connect, Take Action. I wish she didn't have to discover and connect with the issue so intimately.
Watch out lecherous jerks, this Girl Scout is about to take action.
*UPDATE* A couple of you have asked me what my husband's reaction was. That evening he was not particularly demonstrative. He was quiet as is his way. But this morning he read my blog and the reactions to the post. He told me that he is certain he'd have been in jail had be witnessed the event. Violence begets violence. It's part of our animal nature. This is what violence against women looks like and why we react with anger and rage. This stuff has got to stop.
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