Jonathan

A while ago I was lamenting that I had lost touch with one of my best friends in college. He was a resident advisor with me the first year I did that job. I remember that when I first met him, I was so young and just had no worldly experience. I'm sure part of that was from growing up in parochial school. After all, meeting anybody who wasn't Catholic seemed like a huge deal to me back then. He was friendly and open and yes, I admit, I had a little bit of a school girl crush on him. But that quickly faded when he told me that he was queer. I remember the initial confusion with the word because I hadn't heard it before.

Don't worry, I figured it out.

He was a returning student, had worked as a flight attendant for several years and decided to go back to school to become a school teacher. To me, he was older (maybe by just 6 or 7 years), worldly as he had traveled everywhere as a flight attendant, and just one of the best guy friends I had ever had in my life. We talked to each other about boys and how confusing they were. We talked about our crushes and loves. We were both there for each other when we met our husbands.

When Jonathan met Kevin, they were at the pool on campus. I know, it sounds like a movie. Kevin was coming off a divorce finally accepting that he was a gay man. Jonathan and I processed his worries that maybe Kevin hadn't been in the dating world long enough, that maybe Kevin needed to sow some wild oats before settling down.  They were *so* in love and Kevin was really pushing settling down. This is going to sound corny, but the first time I ever saw them kiss or watched as Kevin nuzzled Jonathan's neck, I remember thinking how I recognized that look. It was just love.

The three of us went to the botanical garden and flower show at the Seattle Convention Center. It's so very stereotypically gay!  Jonathan was a Botany major so it made sense. Afterwards, with my newly minted 21 year old driver's license, they suggested we go for drinks. I thought it was a fabulous idea. I don't know what I was thinking or what I should have expected. For me, I had just spent the day with two guy friends. I didn't think at all about what kind of bar they were going to take me to.

Right outside the door, as Kevin held the door open for me he said, "This might be a culture shock for you." And there it was, I walked in and it was all guys. I was the only woman there flanked by two good looking guys. In hindsight, all the eyes turning looking at us were probably checking out Kevin and Jonathan. At the time, I thought they were looking at me questioning what the hell I was doing there. I felt like a fish out of water.

Wistful this morning, I did a search on Facebook for Jonathan. Came up with a bunch of Jonathans but none that looked like him. Then I Binged Kevin & Jonathan, and the last place I knew that they lived.

And I found Kevin's obituary.

Kevin died in February 2009 of a heart attack at age 46. The obituary said that he would be missed by his parents, grandfather, brothers and his partner in life, Jonathan. I know the news is 3 years old for his loved ones. But this morning I'm grieving for my friend, wishing I could have offered comfort to Jonathan.

And after all of that, I still don't know how to reach him.

But on the off chance that he finds this, or maybe somebody knows how to reach him from our shared circle of friends or alums, let him know that I cried fresh tears for his loss. And that I miss his presence in my life.