Birthday wishes

I've been having trouble falling asleep lately. My husband suggests that I turn off the artificial light sources a few hours before bed -- you know, the computer screens and my telephone, as well as the overhead lights. But how exactly am I supposed to check my Facebook without all of that? Plus, we like to play video games to relax. Can't exactly slay dragons without a computer monitor.

But this is sleep  -- probably the best thing in the world that I do on a daily basis. Sleep is bliss. Sleep is restorative. Sleep is just yum.

Been running on tired for a couple of days. Went camping this past weekend and stayed up too late each night and got up too early each morning. Plus, I woke up several times in the middle of the night. Here in my own home, usually the sleep is better but there is always somebody to interfere with my sleep.

So I took a midday nap.

Climbed up on my bed, wrapped myself up in my favorite blanket (because my bed was already made and I didn't want to have to make it again) and fell asleep. This is going to sound like a crazy dream but I was on a phone call with a woman I had done some work for in the past. She was trying to give me more money for the work I had done because she was convinced that I hadn't been paid. But I was feeling pretty good in the conversation because I was engaging and funny and was certain that she was going to hire me to do more work.

I was sitting on my sofa and I turned to my left to see my Uncle Nofre walking towards me in his bathrobe carrying his overnight bag. He looked like he had freshly showered and finished blowdrying his hair. He told me, "Come on, make ready. We have to go soon."

I was caught up in his voice, I hadn't heard it in so long. There was always something playful and joyous in it. There was a touch of brass, caramel, and melody in how he spoke.

He sat down beside me and smiled at me and I stared at his hair -- kind of auburn. He was always trying on new hair colors to hide his gray. My grandfather's hair was all white. My uncle was headed that way too. His skin was dark brown, like he'd been sitting in the Hawaiian sun a little too much. Eh, clouds are closer to the sun so the better tan, I'm sure.

And I started crying.

When you start crying in your sleep, it is always a surprise. You don't see it coming towards you like you do when you're awake. When you're awake, your eyes start to pool with tears and if you're lucky, you can tamp that down so that you can regain your composure. But instead, I started crying right in the middle of it -- the big gasping sobs in the middle of the sea of grief. No time to regain composure, no time to prepare. Just one big tsunami.

And I woke up gasping for air, wailing for my uncle, and my face wet with tears.

My birthday is coming up shortly. I want to believe that my uncle was just coming by to wish me a happy birthday, just like the last time he made an appearance in my dreams right before his birthday. He was always amazing about that. Never, ever forgot a birthday. So that's what I'm going to believe. I know it's magical thinking and I'm a grown up. I shouldn't embrace such childish things. But I'm going to believe that he was here for my birthday.

I really miss him.