No clarification needed

In popular culture, there is a lot of attention made to how men don't understand women. I think it really comes down to being attentive to the great "not said."

I think that a lot of men (yeah, huge sweeping statements right now) forget that less is often more. Compliments can often be inferred. Women always take things to the next step. Don't you all complain about that? Men, however, don't think that way. They think that clarification is always the best way to go. Here are a couple of examples from my own history.

A couple of days ago at the hospital, I met the "handsome" anesthesiologist. I was starting to think he was a figment of the imagination of a former patient of the hospital. She was visiting another person and asked if the handsome anesthesiologist was working. She went on and on about how handsome he was, how encouraging he was, and considering that when she met him she had been in a lot of pain and he made it all go away, he was God's gift to womankind. So I had been on the lookout for a handsome anesthesiologist. I needed to see who she talked about. I guess I didn't know what I was imagining -- maybe like a doc from a soap opera. But I didn't find any guy like that, until I finally got to talk to him. It was only then that I realized that I found him. He's an average looking guy. He's no Noah Drake, MD from back in the day General Hospital, but he has the gift of knowing when not to clarify. One of the nurses had received a Lexus as a present from her husband for Christmas. A LEXUS!!! Then she talked about how she had lost over 80# in the course of the past year. So I piped up and said, "When I lose 80#, I'm going to get myself a Lexus as well." This is when Dr. McDreamy said, "You don't need to lose 80#." I dismissively said, "you're very sweet." He said, "No, I'm not being sweet. I don't think you have 80# to lose." And he stopped there. I walked away feeling great about myself. He could have totally ruined the whole thing by saying, "What do you need to lose really? 75? 70?" See how that would have been bad? Unnecessary clarification, people. It can change things.

A few years ago, I was going to a club with a friend of mine. A mother of 2 already and in my early 30's, I was discovering that I was not getting carded as frequently as I used to in the past. My friend and I (also a mother) both got carded. It brightened my whole day, so I said to the card checker guy, "Thanks for carding me. That really made my day." This would have been a great time to throw in an empty compliment. I mean, I was wearing my wedding ring. I wasn't trying to flirt. And we were going into Dave & Busters, a place that has bars but for the most part is a grown-up arcade. Would it have been so hard to throw this old dog a bone? Instead of saying something complimentary like, "You don't look a day over 20," he said, "We have to card anybody who looks under 40 here. It's the rules." Again, unnecessary clarification. So instead of walking away thinking that this old gal still looks young, I was supposed to walk away thinking, "At least I don't look 40." Maybe he was hoping I would drown my sorrows on their pricey Mai Tai's instead of getting my butt handed to me on Arctic Thunder. Twice.

Speaking of carding, if you're a server or a bouncer and you think you have to card a person in a group, please card EVERYONE in the group instead of just that one. It won't take any time. Even if you know they're over legal age, just go ahead and do it. Just glance at the ID. You don't even need to do the math. It takes nothing for you to do it but believe me, it makes all the difference in the world.

One day my family took my brother Norm out for dinner. Granted, I had That with me so I must have been in my late 20's. My brother is 4 years older than I. Here is what happened. We both ordered cocktails. The young waitress, who probably was hitting on my then unmarried brother, asked him for his ID but not me, forever giving my brother something to rub in for the rest of our lives. Maybe she saw me as a new mom with a husband who would likely not tip very well, but she saw my brother as potential date and possible good tipper. I'm going to go with that, because I don't like the alternative. I'm sure she had motive. She had to have.

In another situation like that, my friend Sharon was out with her sister Mindy. Mindy is only 3 years younger than Sharon, and both are very attractive women. Both were in their 30's. They were going out with a group of friends, but when it came time for ordering the cocktails, Mindy was the only one carded. I told Sharon that the bartender was probably just trying to hit on Mindy. But that doesn't make Sharon feel any better. I just keep reminding her that Mindy bears a strong resemblance to Pippin. That does make her feel better. Imagine Pippin as a woman with straight hair. Seriously -- scary similar.

Just card EVERYBODY. Is that so much to ask?

But lastly, my favorite carding story of all time. I was getting ready for a party so I went to the liquor store. There is a huge sign that says they card everybody who is 35 and below. I did not get carded. Figures. But then I went to the grocery store. I was picking up some beer and as I was checking out, the checker asked to see my ID. I immediately thanked her. I told her about the liquor store not checking my ID and how I couldn't believe that I didn't get carded. She responded, "Well, yeah. Of course you should have been carded. What are you, 35?" I was 33 years old at the time. I say again, UNNECESSARY CLARIFICATION!

So I suppose I shouldn't get all uppity about men having the bad clarification thought process. It afflicts all kinds of people.

And lest you think that I'm without fault, I'll cop to one huge mistake of my own.

Again at the grocery store, I had asked if the bagger lady could help me out to the car. Having just given birth to my Lil'T, I wanted the extra hand. I wasn't familiar with the bagger because she was a new employee and to make small talk as we were walking to my car, I asked her, "So, when are you due?" referring to her obvious pregnancy. She said, "Excuse me?" referring to her lack of being with child.

I tried to change it up and said something like, "I mean, what do you do? For fun?"

Oh yes, I did that thing.