Buahahahahaha

I'm Catholic. To be more specific, I'm a cradle Catholic. This means that I was born and raised in the faith. This has brought with it a bunch of bummers. I remember thinking when I was a kid that it was unfair because some people don't become Catholic until they're really old, like 20 or 30. And those people get to live all that time not worrying about sinning or going to confession or worst of all, sitting in mass every Sunday -- for all those years! And then they still get to go to heaven. Where is the justice in that? But the upside of having gone to mass all those years is that you know all the words by heart -- somethings change every week, like announcements, homily and the readings of course -- but knowing what comes next allows you the freedom to notice other little things.

Kids are always sources of amusement, easy targets that way. There have been a lot of Altar Server trainings recently, so every week there are at least 4 (if not more) novice Altar Servers. They're always sitting right up front behind the altar behaving like little kids behave. Yes, I enjoy watching them fidget, make faces, and pick their noses then wipe the mess on their robes. I enjoy watching them bicker over who gets to ring the bells. I especially enjoy watching Father Emmett trying to discretely cue them on what they're supposed to do next. Sometimes he makes a movement with his hands to direct them and sometimes he whispers instructions to the kids. (That would work a little better if he remembered to turn off his microphone when he did it.) He's a sweet and patient man -- and let me tell you, those kids need it. I am particularly thankful, every time I watch these antics, that my son has no interest in taking the Altar Server training. I just don't want to sit there, staring at my kid picking his nose, sleeping or bickering behind the altar. It's bad enough that he does that in the pew.

Even better than watching kids are watching adults. You think you know what you're supposed to do because you've been to mass a gazillion times during your life. But then, when they ask you to bring up the offertory or maybe read the announcements before and after, you are all of a sudden on center stage. You realize that you've not been paying attention very well and you don't know where you're supposed to walk. Or are you supposed to bow? Or are you supposed to walk away the way you came or by a different route? Details, details. Those are the moments I treasure, when the adults, with all the eyes of the congregation on them, desperately try to recall what they've seen performed countless times, and come up blank. Priceless.

Today I witnessed, quite possibly, the most hysterical moment in church of my entire life. And sadly, I'm the only one who laughed.

Before mass started, the lector (reader) went to the podium to make announcements. People rarely start listening then but I perked up. He thanked people in advance for getting Giving Tree Christmas presents for those less fortunate. He thanked people for all the help with the auction and that the tickets were almost all sold. And lastly he thanked us for participation in the recent blood drive.

"Thank you to those who gave blood in our blood drive as our need for blood continues to grow." And then he added, "Uh... in our community."

After he said the word "grow," there were a couple of ways he could have gone with it. Like he could have just walked away and not have noticed the fairly macabre sentence he had just uttered. "Our need for blood continues to grow..." Because he added, "in our community," it suggests his brain heard what he said and realized that it came off oddly. If he hadn't noticed it himself, it wouldn't have been funny. But part of me wishes, deep down, that instead of adding "in our community," he would have just ended with, "BUAHAHAHAHAHA..." Now that would have been funny.

Peace be with you. Buahahahahaha....

***Update: I drove by the church today. There is a sign up that they're having ANOTHER blood drive this Wednesday. (12/12) Our NEED for BLOOD continues to grow...