Permission granted

It is a hard thing to go to school with so many people who look like infants. The students at the community college I'm attending all look impossibly young. There was the moment that I realized just how old I was when one of my classmates asked me if I have a MySpace account. Are you kidding? But at least I'm not so old that I don't know what MySpace is. I even was able to look up her MySpace account (and no, I'm not going to hyperlink it for you) but it made me feel impossibly old. Plus, consider I did just have a birthday last week.

I never thought that I would be one of those people who would freak out about getting older. But that was just because I wasn't getting *that* old yet. In 2 years, I'm turning 40. My hubby hits that milestone this year. I remember being excited to turn 15 because I could get my drivers permit. All you get when you turn 40 is a baseline mammogram. Woo hoo. And what other great things do I get to look forward to? Colonoscopies? Hot flashes? I can hardly wait.

Anyway, enough about that. I have to tell you about a moment I had while walking to class this morning. I was carrying my old UW thermal coffee mug I got back in my youth. I had filled it with coffee and was walking up to my class. I was in my own little world remembering carrying coffee in that very same mug to dozens of classes my first time through. Walking towards me was one of those very young men I told you about earlier. I took a quick sip of coffee and I don't know how it happened, but a little bit went down the wrong pipe.

It is amazing the kind of thought processes that can go through your mind when something like this happens. I mean, it all takes place within a matter of seconds.

1. I need to cough, but I have a mouth full of coffee. If I don't open my mouth, the coffee will go out my nose. Not an option. It must come out through the mouth.

2. I could cough, but I don't want it to go all over my clothes or my stuff. Must move them out of the way. Check.

3. Let 'er rip!

So what happened was that I coughed and had one of those perfectly timed comedic moments in a sitcom where a character takes a sip of some beverage, is told something outrageous, and sprays said beverage all over the room.

But the best part was that I wasn't alone. There was this 20 something year old kid walking towards me, remember? The look on his face was priceless.

I mean, consider what must have been going through his brain at that moment? He was about 12 yards away from me when I did my impression of a fountain from the Home Depot Garden Center.

'That chick looks as old as my mom. She just spewed her coffee. What's the cool thing to do? I mean it is funny, but if I were to laugh at my mom when she did that, she'd slap me upside the head. What if I just don't make eye contact? I can just pretend that I didn't see it. Nothing happened. Yes, that's the best plan of action. Poker face engaged. No eye contact. No eye contact.'

I could tell he wanted to laugh. He tried so hard not to make eye contact with me, but by this point, I had already checked that I hadn't spit all over my clothes and was laughing at myself. I was totally astonished that I could spray so well. So when he got up to me I said to him, "You have my permission to laugh." Awkwardness faded and he flashed me a grin. I don't know if I made his day but he sure made mine.


I'll get over this "getting older," stuff pretty soon. I just had a birthday, after all, so the wound is a little fresh. Mom's doing her part to keep me young. She insists I take my vitamins -- but now instead of Flinstones, it's Centrum Silver & Calcium.