Baby Lizzie Borden

Cooking with a toddler in your kitchen is never easy. Yes, we have the cabinet locks on all the doors within reach. Yes, we keep the knives and cleaners high and out of reach. Yes, we have a pretend kitchen in one corner of the real kitchen so that she can "cook" just like Mommy can.

The one thing that she loves to do in the kitchen is wash her hands. I'll turn the water on a trickle and pull the stool up to the sink. The kid will play in that little bit of dripping for hours. If there are dishes or some spoons in the sink, all the better. She'll mix potions and explore how much water each container can hold, including the floor. Grins all around. The nice thing is that she's right beside me while I cook and I physically can stand between her and the stove so she can't get burned.

Last night I was cooking a dinner of pork tenderloin chops in marinara sauce served over whole wheat penne pasta. While keeping and eye on the pasta, the marinara and the pork chops, I had my back to the baby. She contented herself in the sink, which by this point in the meal preparation, was full of dirty utensils and dishes. She was having a ball. Every now and then she'd pat me on the back and I'd make a show of being amazed with how when she turned the cup of water over, the cup would suddenly be empty -- like magic! These interruptions were frequent but nice. I was concentrating on not overcooking the chops and stirring the sauce when I felt her scratching on my back.

"Just a second, " more scratching, "I just have to flip this last chop over."

And that second later I turned around to see my 22 month old baby with my chef knife in her right hand and my small utility knife in her left hand. It was like in Dungeons and Dragons where your half-human/half-elf chaotic good thief will equip a sword in her right hand and a small dagger in her left. And since the attack was from behind the target, she gets a bonus dice roll for damage. My baby had been scratching me on my back with my knives! Thankfully her XP (experience) level is so low, her agility is so low (she's got immature motor skills), and her damage penalty is so high for equipping 2 weapons at once, she did no damage. I guess I have some pretty good AC (armor class) in this cotton nursing top.

No babies or mommies were harmed, I want to assure you. I think these were in her reach simply because I was using them to prepare the food. They went back up on the shelf over the sink and out of her reach and I gave her a whisk and a spoon to substitute for the scary sharp knives. She was happy with those and I was able to pat myself on the back for remaining calm and nonchalant so as not to freak her out.

So Mom, and all the Aunties & Uncles out there, don't you freak out. We're all fine. Really. Well, mostly.