Our legs are broken

I fell asleep last night probably around midnight. I'm reading the book Nurtureshock. If you haven't heard of it, it is one of those books that will change the way you talk to your kids. Right now I'm on the section about sibling rivalry and am astonished by it. There I go, all tangent-y. Sorry about that.

Anyway, around 1 a.m., Hubby woke me from a sound sleep and told me that he finally got an email from the producer of Starship Excelsior. Woohoo! He read me the entire email. He then retrieved my phone and read me the email that also accepted me to the Starship Excelsior cast. I admit, I was pretty excited to hear all of this, albeit rather groggy. I fell back asleep to dreams of Star Trek podcast stardom. Or at least bit parts.

Then this morning my son reminded me of what date it is. That's right people. April 1st. The boy is lying in wait for his sister to come home from a playdate to give her some fake (but non-poisonous) chocolate milk. Realization hit me that my husband might have been waiting until after midnight to give me the fake news that we were bound for stardom.

The jerk!

I ran downstairs and demanded he show me these alleged emails from the producer of Star Trek Excelsior. Well, turns out I should have trusted my man. Here is my acceptance letter.

Hello!

I'm James Heaney. I executive produce Star Trek: Excelsior (assuming "executive produce" is syntactical, which I assure you it is not. "Executively produce," maybe. But not "executive produce." Anyhow, I've already digressed). We received your audition last week, and it's been sitting in my inbox ever since waiting for a spare evening when I'd have a chance to listen to it.

That evening was tonight. Long story short, it was a fine audition. I like your voice, I like your microphone, and female voice actors are always in short supply on Excelsior. In short, I'm grateful to you for taking the plunge and sending in your audition. And I'm pleased to tell you that you "passed."

What happens next is, we put you on our directory list. Your name will sit there waiting for a part to open up that we believe fits your voice better than any other on the list (this usually takes a number of months). Since Excelsior usually has its main characters at least six months before an episode is released, the first roles to open up will almost definitely be very minor parts. If you do a good job with those smaller parts, and get your lines done on time, you'll remain in the cast rotation indefinitely. It'll be great.

Now, of course, most people who audition want to ultimately land in a major role on the show. And, to be honest, most people who stay on the list long enough do eventually end up playing a significant part. But the availability of major roles is unpredictable, and really has a great deal to do with luck. My point being, I can't promise any big parts in your future. It could definitely happen, but, as with any show, the parts we are trying to fill from episode to episode are usually the bit parts. If bit parts are okay with you, though, we're looking forward to working with you! (This little disclaimer may seem silly and obvious to you, but you'd be surprised at the high casting expectations from new auditioners that we've had to deflate over the years.)

Like I said, solid voice/solid mic/female is a triple threat here at Excelsior. Thanks for sending in your audition and welcome aboard! We really couldn't do it without generous people like you volunteering to help keep the Excelsior flying!

Sincerely,
James Heaney
Executive Producer
Star Trek: Excelsior

Hubby's acceptance letter went on an on about the "reckless" willingness he has to throw himself emotively into a role. I got only the trifecta of having a good voice, good mike, and being a girl. *sigh* Truth be told though, Hubby is the one with the real talent at voice acting. He's pretty amazing.

Just wait until he gets cast as a Klingon. Knock your socks off. Kaplah!