Christmas time is here

Woke up this morning knowing that it was time for my annual Christmas post where I talk about my dad and mourn his passing. Today is the 10th anniversary of that very difficult day; the day when my dad died of a heart attack a couple of hours before midnight on Christmas Eve.

I rarely talk about the moments of exactly 10 years ago, the right now of 10 years ago -- a few minutes before 10 AM. That morning I woke up full of anticipation. My brothers were all to be here, my older brother David and his wife Janice were arriving that very day. Norman was going to be bringing them to the island. My mom and brother Dwight had arrived the night before. I was just so full of joy.

Dad had been with us a couple of weeks already so when he got up, he remembered to move the Magi a little closer to baby Jesus. The three wise men always wander around the living room making their way to baby Jesus on Epiphany -- the 12th day of Christmas. I usually wait for the kids to go to bed and then move them for the next day to be found but that plan very often goes wrong. I'm far from perfect and even back then, my mind was soft and forgetful. So when I got up and the kids were milling about, Dad started humming the song "We Three Kings," and I panicked. But then I saw that he had moved them for me.

For a few hours that day, everything was exactly perfect. The whole family was there. We were all in one space, one house, under one roof. It was loud and noisy -- we were happy.

I didn't know that it would be the last time.

I think that's why it is hard to come up to this day. It doesn't mean that the days I have now are not good or not happy. But I don't get to have them with my dad, that's all. And that Christmas Eve 10 years ago was the last time I could have them with him.

Somedays I scour my faulty memory for more of that day. And I remember checking out, being distracted, just not paying attention. Of times when I was lost in my own tasks and didn't revel in those last moments with him. But I think even in that, it was a time for him to see that I was grown, involved in my own stuff, handling things like a grown up. My dad had done his job, even with the youngest of his children.

I miss you, Daddy. Always will.

Birthday wishes

I've been having trouble falling asleep lately. My husband suggests that I turn off the artificial light sources a few hours before bed -- you know, the computer screens and my telephone, as well as the overhead lights. But how exactly am I supposed to check my Facebook without all of that? Plus, we like to play video games to relax. Can't exactly slay dragons without a computer monitor.

But this is sleep  -- probably the best thing in the world that I do on a daily basis. Sleep is bliss. Sleep is restorative. Sleep is just yum.

Been running on tired for a couple of days. Went camping this past weekend and stayed up too late each night and got up too early each morning. Plus, I woke up several times in the middle of the night. Here in my own home, usually the sleep is better but there is always somebody to interfere with my sleep.

So I took a midday nap.

Climbed up on my bed, wrapped myself up in my favorite blanket (because my bed was already made and I didn't want to have to make it again) and fell asleep. This is going to sound like a crazy dream but I was on a phone call with a woman I had done some work for in the past. She was trying to give me more money for the work I had done because she was convinced that I hadn't been paid. But I was feeling pretty good in the conversation because I was engaging and funny and was certain that she was going to hire me to do more work.

I was sitting on my sofa and I turned to my left to see my Uncle Nofre walking towards me in his bathrobe carrying his overnight bag. He looked like he had freshly showered and finished blowdrying his hair. He told me, "Come on, make ready. We have to go soon."

I was caught up in his voice, I hadn't heard it in so long. There was always something playful and joyous in it. There was a touch of brass, caramel, and melody in how he spoke.

He sat down beside me and smiled at me and I stared at his hair -- kind of auburn. He was always trying on new hair colors to hide his gray. My grandfather's hair was all white. My uncle was headed that way too. His skin was dark brown, like he'd been sitting in the Hawaiian sun a little too much. Eh, clouds are closer to the sun so the better tan, I'm sure.

And I started crying.

When you start crying in your sleep, it is always a surprise. You don't see it coming towards you like you do when you're awake. When you're awake, your eyes start to pool with tears and if you're lucky, you can tamp that down so that you can regain your composure. But instead, I started crying right in the middle of it -- the big gasping sobs in the middle of the sea of grief. No time to regain composure, no time to prepare. Just one big tsunami.

And I woke up gasping for air, wailing for my uncle, and my face wet with tears.

My birthday is coming up shortly. I want to believe that my uncle was just coming by to wish me a happy birthday, just like the last time he made an appearance in my dreams right before his birthday. He was always amazing about that. Never, ever forgot a birthday. So that's what I'm going to believe. I know it's magical thinking and I'm a grown up. I shouldn't embrace such childish things. But I'm going to believe that he was here for my birthday.

I really miss him.

Tenses

Last week was Princess's birthday. For other parents out there, you know what this means. It is yet another event that you have to prepare for and really just hope you don't mess up. It means treats for her class, cake to be ordered, the kid choosing the menu for dinner, the birthday present, and planning for the party.

So my day went from busy to frenetic pdq. I started the day at 5am. I needed to get prepped for special birthday breakfast which Hubby thankfully woke up early to make. Turkey bacon, waffles, scrambled eggs with blue cheese, white cranberry peach juice, and milk: a feast fit for a Princess. After I got the family off to their places, Lil'T and I went to the grocery store to get a strawberry cake for dessert after dinner, and ice cream for Princess's class. Surprisingly, I was able to find the strawberry cake easily -- even in March with random acts of freezing weather happening outside. I couldn't find the orange vanilla cups she requested and settled for popsicles which had orange vanilla. I crossed my fingers that there wouldn't be too much disappointment. You never know what is going to set off the whining and much dreaded tears. Living with children is like living with crazy people. Add a birthday into the mix and the crazy only magnifies. Off to the school I went and dropped off the treats with the front office.

I only had until 2 pm to get the next big part of the day done. I was off to the sporting goods store to find a tetherball set. Princess had her heart set on one for her birthday. Then I went to Costco to get her favorite frozen lasagne. I try not to think of it as an insult to my cooking that she prefers frozen lasagne to my home cooking. I instead concentrated on how nice it was that I didn't have to cook on top of everything else.

Lil'T was starting to pumpkin out by the time we had checked out and asked to have a Costco slice of pizza for lunch. On a Thursday in the middle of the day, Costco is the busiest place on the planet. It was so crowded that we were stuck looking for some kind soul to share their table with us. I spotted a tata sitting by himself in the corner. He was wearing a baseball cap the way my dad always did, more like a hat than a cap. It was perched up there not fully pulled down, so he looked like his forehead must be at least 5 inches tall if the cap was touching the top of his head. I walked over to him and asked him if it would be okay for us to share his table. He kind of made an uncomfortable smile and pointed behind me where his wife was walking towards him with their drink cups. I said that it was just the two of us and his wife ultimately answered saying that it would be okay.

I sat down and could tell that Lil'T was not too sure about sitting with these strangers but somehow, that lady sure sounded familiar. I leaned over to T and said, "That lady sounds a lot like Lola, yeah?" That was all it took.

The woman asked me, "Pilipina?" I told her that I was and then it was all better.

We started talking about where we were from, what flavor of Filipino we were, and how at first the tata thought that I was Japanese. He actually tried to speak a little bit of Tagalog and Ilocano to me. Too bad I didn't know any.

And then it happened. The moment when I made a decision to lie a little bit.

Tata asked me, "Are your parents still in Hawaii?"

I sat there knowing that I could answer truthfully or in the way that I wish it were. I went with the latter.

"Yes, my parents live in Hawaii." Followed by all kinds of pronouncements in the wrong tense.

"No, my dad doesn't speak Tagalog, but he's learning Hawaiian."

"My dad's brothers and sister all live in Hawaii."

It was a nice chat. Maybe my kids' crazy is rubbing off on me. Just felt so natural to talk to them like my dad and my uncles who have died didn't. Why did these people need to know my private pain?

Then I jumped right back into the fast stream and raced Lil'T to school (about an hour late), went off to church to walk the kids to religious ed classes, delivered an order of cookies, and then raced off to Aikido where the dreaded whining and crying finally came because I couldn't find Princess' Aikido belt and she didn't want to walk into class without it, despite her sensei having dozens of white belts lying around because the kids test out of them all the time! Raced off to pick up Lil'T and then raced off to the ferry to pick up Hubby. Then it was back to Aikido where Princess had tested up to a yellow belt! Hurrah! Side benefit being that the lost white belt can stay lost. Then it was dinner, cake, ice cream, tetherball, birthday phone calls, and (praise God) bedtime.

It wasn't until later that I could process my conversation with the older Filipino couple at Costco. Somewhere in this world, there are 2 strangers who think that my dad and my uncles are still alive. I know that it is irrational and kind of strange. I'm not entirely sure why I didn't just speak truthfully. Maybe it was their familiar accented English that got me reminiscent and a little heart sick for home. There is a comfort that there are these strangers for whom I am a woman whose dad is still alive and he is still wondering about his next trip to visit the grand babies, still playing his uke and learning Hawaiian, still calling with his recipe for roast chicken. Still.

Linus & Lucy

Did you ever notice that the song that opens the Charlie Brown Christmas Special is in a minor key? Charlie Brown starts off with the line, "I think there must be something wrong with me Linus. Christmas is coming but I'm not happy. I don't feel the way I'm supposed to feel...I always end up feeling depressed." I never understood it as a kid. WTF was wrong with Charlie Brown?

But having started this Christmas season with my own anxiety attack, with a sense of impending dread, I get it Charlie Brown. I totally get it.

In recent history, very bad things happen at Christmastime for me. I've jokingly considered becoming a Jehovah's witness or maybe Buddhist. Anything that will get me out of Christmas. But I suspect, the only way to avoid the season all together is to move out of the country to maybe Turkey. Eh, Hubby likes Turkey. I'll think about it. Supposed to be pretty out there.

Yesterday was the one year anniversary of Uncle Nofre's death. In keeping with the whole keep-busy-to-avoid-grief thing, I took Princess on a shopping trip for Girl Scout meeting supplies. On the drive over, I guess it was too quiet and I got to thinking about the day I got the news. How the phone call came at 2am and I knew it was disaster. How I went to sleep sobbing even though he hadn't died yet. How I woke up with a vague sense of unease only to have everything rush back in crystal clarity. How every time the phone rang, I braced myself for the worst. I remembered the exact spot I stood when I got the news. And when my eyes started to well up with tears, I realized that crying while driving was absolute folly and I must move on to other topics and fast. Thank goodness my girl was in the back seat with all kinds of plans and schemes for Christmas surprises. She is a font of joy.

After we were done with our shopping trip, I turned the car radio on to the Christmas station. One of the radio stations here plays non-stop Christmas music, even during its super saccharine Delilah show. If you're not familiar with her, she's a nationally syndicated radio host. Her program has people call in to request a song for somebody special. Delilah has a knack for picking the *perfect* song for the situation. But during the holidays, her hands are a little tied because it needs to be Holiday music. And I suspect, my uncle's hands were too. But still, he was able to communicate with me through this most unlikely radio station. When I turned the music on, it was Linus & Lucy, from Charlie Brown. You know, that Vince Guaraldi piano piece that appeared in a lot of the Peanuts animated specials. I was surprised because it is one of my favorite songs. My first reaction was a happy one -- that kind you get when you have a moment of serendipity. And then I remembered.

In October of last year, I had visited Uncle's house and saw the jewel case on the coffee table. It was a Vince Guaraldi collection. On it was a picture of the composer fashioned into a Peanuts character. I picked it up and told Uncle Nofre that I loved that one song, Linus & Lucy. He told me to go ahead and take the CD if I wanted it but when I opened the jewel case, it was empty. Plus, the jewel case itself was broken. So I left it there. After Uncle died, my brother Dwight asked me if there was anything that I wanted of Uncle's things before the garage sale. I told Dwight that there was a CD that I had bought for Uncle the previous Christmas and also that Vince Guaraldi one if it was there.

By the time Dwight got to the garage sale, the box of Uncle's CD's had sold. Dwight was totally freaked out that I'd be upset that they were gone, but I told him it really was no big deal.

When Dwight came to visit us this past spring, he had four CDs of Uncle's that hadn't gotten sold, and surprisingly, the Vince Guaraldi one was in the collection. He gave them to me and I was thrilled to see that the CD had been restored to its broken jewel case. I wonder if that was why it didn't get sold.

So take that story however you wish. Coincidence, yeah. But I haven't gotten rid of my sense of wonder and magic just yet. And if there is a chance that Uncle has more to tell me, that I'll be sure to listen. Maybe that song was just to remind me that my first reaction, whenever I think of Uncle, should always be joy and happiness.

Honest Answers

I got tagged by a friend of mine to do this on Facebook and as my blog and FB are linked, I figured I'd post it here and it will eventually be posted there. Here are my answers to this MEME.

Can you fill this out without lying? You've been tagged, so now you need to answer all the questions HONESTLY. At the end, choose at least 8 people to be tagged. Don't forget to tag me!

To do this, copy this entire message, then go to “notes” under tabs on your profile page, paste these instructions in the body of the note, delete my answers, and type yours.

Next, tag 8 people (in the right hand corner of the app). Click publish (at the bottom). Have fun! :)

1.What was the last thing you put in your mouth? Clam chowder that was leftover from last night. OMG I am a good cook. It is the first time I tried making clam chowder and I just tried what I thought would fit. Granted, this isn't like figuring out how to make a souffle but it was a triumph for me.

2.Where was your profile picture taken? At home after a dinner party with my mobile phone -- a Palm Pre. Hubby is getting increasingly annoyed with the Pre because it could be faster about loading apps, etc. but I don't care. It is freakin' awesome that I can answer my email, txt, send pics, etc. I love it!

3.Can you play Guitar Hero? We don't own Guitar Hero but I have played it before. We do own the pads for DDR for our old Xbox which is very similar, except was done with your feet.

4.Name someone who made you laugh today? My good friend Marisa. She did tell me what felching (sp?) was. Before you Google or Bing that word, remember you can't unknow something that you now know. And the visual is simply not pleasant.

5.How late did you stay up last night and why? Around 1am. I was up coughing. Damned cold.

6.If you could move somewhere else, would you? Norway. Just watched SICKO by Michael Moore. The fjords are gorgeous.

7. Ever been kissed under fireworks? Yes. We got married on the Fourth of July. The country celebrates our anniversary with fireworks. At least that is what we tell our kids.

8. Which of your friends lives closest to you? I'm gonna say Sharon. But I haven't taken out a map. It could be Marisa. Not sure.

9. Do you believe exes can be friends? I think you can go back to friendly acquaintances. But true friends? Probably not.

10. How do you feel about Dr Pepper? It is good. It has been over a decade from the diet Dr. Pepper vaca on Kauai that Hubby and I took. We had about 4 days left on the vaca and we went to the grocery store. The "cube" of diet DP was on sale and I couldn't pass up on that price. After 3 days of drinking nothing but diet DP, Hubby and I couldn't touch it without wanting to throw up. I think we left some in the fridge of the hotel room.

11. When was the last time you cried really hard? When Uncle Nofre died last December, I wailed. I mean truly loudly wailed. I still miss him terribly.

12. Who took your profile picture? I did.

13. Who was the last person you took a picture of? Julia's dogs. Does that count as persons? If not, I've got Julia's leg in the picture.

14. Was yesterday better than today? No.

15. Can you live a day without TV? Hubby would disagree with this claim, but yes, I can live without TV.

16. Are you upset about anything? Not right this second. Oh wait, the railing on our deck fell off when it was dumping rain last night. I may have to get into it with my insurance company. But that is about it.

17. Do you think relationships are ever really worth it? Never. jk. Of course.

18. Are you a bad influence? Yeah, most likely. I could be better about cuss words and not losing my temper. I also keep a fairly messy house, as my mother would attest to, so that's not a good influence on my messy kids either. So definitely I'm a bad influence.

19. Night out or night in? In. I'm an old married lady with kids.

21. Who was the last person you visited in the hospital? My mother, last October. She's cancer free now.

22. What does the last text message in your in box say? It was a note from Julia at 8:38am. "Not so fun standing in the rain at a soccer game..."

23. How do you feel about your life right now? These are the good years. I'm living the dream.

24. Do you hate anyone? No

25. If we were to look in your face book inbox, what would we find? Emails from friends. Nothing scandalous.

27. Has anyone ever called you perfect before? Yes. By my dentist. I have beautiful teeth.

28. What song is stuck in your head? Nothing right now. Blessed silence.

29. Someone knocks on your window at 2:00 a.m., who do you want it to be? Paul Gross. I have a crush on that actor. He's on Eastwick on ABC this year. OMG yummy. He also was on Slings and Arrows, which is where I first started crushing on him. He's tall with dark wavy hair and light eyes. What can I say? I have a type.

30.Wanna have grandkids before you’re 50? My son would be in his early twenties then and while it is possible, given that he's gorgeous but (thankfully) awkward, I doubt it. Hubby always jokes that we'll be grandparents in 3 years. (The boy is 12 right now...)

31. Name something you have to do tomorrow? Pick up the boy from a campout.

32. Do you think too much or too little? Too much -- but obsessively on one thing at a time. So the last couple of days it was all Girl Scouts all the time. A couple of weeks ago, it was all dog training all the time.

33. Do you smile a lot? I think so.

34. How many hours a day do you spend on the computer? I think maybe 5 - 6.

35. If you could be anyone else for a day, who would you be? Paul Gross's mistress. jk. Martha Stewart before prison. Well, she wasn't so bad after prison either.

36. Facebook or Twitter? Facebook. I'm tweeting but not really well enough. There are some people who tweet way too much and I end up being deluged by them so I don't like checking too often.

37. Chicken or Beef? Beef. I'm sure I'm a mad cow and will likely turn into a flesh eating zombie if Zombieland is to be believed. Prepare for the zombie apocalypse.

38. Mac or PC? PC

39. Have you ever punched anyone in the face? No

40. Have you ever been punched in the face? Yes, by an old man who was a patient when I was a nurse. I wasn't familiar with him and had not heard that he was violent. He was sitting in a chair out in the hall and the nurse who was caring for him was in the breakroom giving report. He was tearing stuff up and throwing it on the floor so I bent over to pick the stuff up. I got too close and he gave me a fat lip. I was so shocked as I totally wasn't expecting it. He didn't even look angry. Who knows, maybe when I'm old I'll do crazy stuff like punching 20 year old nurses in the face too.

My speech from Uncle's burial service

I did not think I'd give this speech so soon. I should have had at least another decade or two to organize my thoughts. A man so famous for his tardiness should not have been so early to enter heaven.

Uncle always styled himself as a Don Juan, and even introduced himself as "Ono" as in "tastes good." He was a real heart breaker and looking at all of us, I see that he was right. Our hearts are broken.

Uncle and I talked about his funeral a few months ago. It was a conversation full of laughter. He hoped there wouldn't be too much weeping -- especially because he loved the sound of laughing. We talked about him recording himself telling a few jokes. He told me about his joke with Verna and Felicia -- his fellow Pilipino Passion Puppets -- that when they come for the viewing, to look real close. He promised to smile.

For most of us, we touch the future by marrying and having children. But Uncle Nofre chose a different path, instead his legacy is borne in the generosity of his heart -- cultivating every relationship in his life -- with friends, co-workers, church family, classmates, fellow dancers -- and with family.

I'm sure my cousins and my brothers have said how Uncle was a second father to us. But what is remarkable is how this unspoken fact was acknowledged in our lives.

When my brilliant and handsome husband and I were preparing for the birth of our first child -- a boy -- he suggested we name him after Uncle Nofre. After all the heavy handed hints Uncle Nofre had made, we decided to go ahead provided my dad approved -- after all, this was to be his first grandson. Dad gave his permission without hesitation, saying, "Onofre would really like that."

When my cousin Shamayn was planning her wedding, she wanted Uncle to walk her down the aisle with her dad. It is the quintessential father/daughter moment. Sham told her parents of her intention -- and not only did they approve -- they were thrilled. Uncle was so proud to be involved in that way.

You see, his brothers knew and acknowledged Uncle's role in our lives. His siblings appreciated and gave credence to his role as a second father to us. He maintained this relationship through the generosity of his spirit, always freely given and joyfully received.

When Dad died, also at Christmastime -- seriously, I could go all bah-humbug on the season if You keep this up, Lord -- Uncle Nofre stepped in quickly with the generosity of his time to help our family. In the intervening years he stepped up - unbegrudgingly - bringing us to and from the airport, spending time with us, and driving Mom and Aunty Lydia (his brothers' widows) to their appointments.

The last time we saw each other in October of this year, he lamented to me that my youngest child did not know him very well. That she wasn't in his words "used to to" him. I want to assure him that I shall remember him to my children. I shall strive to love them and love life in his example. And that as an aunt, I shall always give toys, not clothes, and will always, always have gum.

HBDA Manoa Chapter

I wanted to share with all of you this beautiful tribute that Hawaii Ballroom Dancing Association Manoa made for my Uncle Nofre. What I want you to notice is his million dollar smile in every one of these pictures. Man, he really knew how to live life -- surround yourself with people who love to dance and love to eat. How can you go wrong?

Here is a short vid that I took of Uncle dancing with Verna. Enjoy.

Spoiler Alert!

I think you'll have to bear with me while I go through this process of grief. Hey, it is my blog. I get to run the show.

A few weeks ago, I watched a movie with Joan Allen (whom I so admire) called Yes, written and directed by Sally Potter. It is a very artsy movie told entirely in iambic pentameter. SPOILER ALERT!!! In one scene, the aunt has died. Joan Allen's character, She, runs to her aunt's side too late. While She is brought to her knees in grief, her aunt's body lying inert on the hospital bed, we hear her aunt's voice. This is a portion of that monologue which has been running through my mind since Uncle died.

AUNT:
(V.O.)
If and when I die
I want to see you cry
I want to see you tear your hair. Your howls of anguish fill the air.
I want to see you beat your breast and rent your clothes and all the rest.
And, sobbing, fall upon my bed.
I want to know that I am dead.
I want to know I'm part of you
and that you cannot bear me being torn away.
I want to see you dressed in black, with red-rimmed eyes from sleepless nights of grieving;
I want to hear you protest at me leaving.
I want to see you in each other's arms, and wailing.
See you kick a chair and punch the wall and see you, moaning, fall upon the ground and scream.
I want to know this isn't just a dream.
I want my death to be just like my life.
I want the mess, the struggle, and the strife. I want to fight and see you fight for me.
I want to hear your last regrets the things you wish you'd done and said.
In fact I'd like that just before I'm dead.
Don't let them put you off,
or make you go, or say it's bad for me, or makes it hard for me to leave. It won't be true. I want to see you grieve.
Don't let me drown in silence all pious and polite.
Let's make a lot of noise! A different kind of light will fill the room.
I want my death to wake you up
and clean you out. And as I end I'll hear you shout.

SHE
No, no, no!

AUNT
(V.O.)
But I will go.

When I watched that portion of the film, I was blown away by the truth in it. In so many memorial services, we see printed on the programs these saccharine poems written in first person. Each saying how we should not cry, should not be saddened. That our hearts be glad because our loved one is at peace and happy. God just wanted one more voice in His heavenly choir. And while I know these are meant to comfort those who mourn, I question how true the sentiment is.

I suppose I'm sounding a little bitter.

I loved the truth in Aunt's monologue. I don't know if Uncle Nofre would give voice to this poem. I'm sure he would never cop to it. But don't we all privately harbor the desire expressed here? Don't we all want to be cried and wailed out? Because I know, I know that this is how I'm mourning my uncle. He is a part of me that I cannot bear being torn away. My eyes are red-rimmed, and sleep comes only from pure and utter exhaustion. I can barely leave my house. I cry at every turn. I cried at the gas station while I waited for Hubby to fill the tank. I cried talking to the ticketing agent on the phone. I cried while walking the aisles at Safeway. I am to the point that I don't even try to hide the tears. I just let them flow and hope that stony silence will suffice if a stranger asks me what is wrong.

If I could scream at Heaven and change the events of that day, I would, until my throat went raw.

I wish that I could turn back the clock and call him before he went into surgery. Just so I could selfishly remind him that he needs to wake up at the end of all of this. He forgot that step. Just so I could tell him that Princess is waiting for the promised sleep over at his house in August. Just to remind him that my son has plans to bunk with him when he goes to University of Hawaii Manoa in 7 years. Just so I could hear his voice one more time and tell him those words. The three short words that are supposed to sum up all that he meant to me and means to me still. If only my phone call could have encouraged his heart to take up its life sustaining rhythm again.

But instead I have to focus on the blessings. I got to talk to Uncle a couple of times last week. I still have his voice on my answering machine. Not a week went by that he didn't call and ask how the kids were faring. I got to see him almost every day when I was there in October. On my last night in Hawaii, I got to see him cantor at mass and we had dinner afterwards. He got to spend 2 full days with Lil'T while Mom was recovering from her surgery. Yes, these were the blessings.

And still, my heart is left wanting more.

Uncle Onofre's services

Memorial service -

When: December 29th, 2008
           6 pm - 9pm
           *7 pm mass
          
Where: Saint Pius X Church
            2821 Lowery Ave, Honolulu, Hi

*Uncle specified that black was not really a color choice.  It is a celebration of his life.  Dress comfortably (his words) but respectfully (my words).

Burial Service

When: December 30, 2008
           9am - 11am
           * interment at 11am

Where: Mililani Memorial Park
            Makai Chapel
* Same dress as above

Uncle Nofre

It isn't really right for me to have two posts back to back with the same title. After all, it has only been a week. But this writing is to tell you that my heart is broken. Uncle Nofre passed away this morning.

To say that he was so very well loved, it doesn't really match the magnitude of this man. I have no doubt that he will be mourned by countless hearts. I'm sure he was a celebrity. He certainly was one to us. A few months ago, he told me that he never used to regret never marrying and having children until now in his old age. How he never had kids of his own. I reminded him that every single one of his nieces and nephews believed him to be a father to us. The grandkids always thought of him as Apo.

When Uncle came to visit for Lil' T's baptism, we went shopping. He was holding her in his arms and cooing at her face. A woman came up to him and said, "You sure look like a proud grandpa." And instead of correcting her, he just said, "I do, don't I?" We were all his children.

I'm sorry I can't be eloquent this morning. I'm typing through tears. I thought that maybe it would be easier to tell everybody at once this way. A friend of mine reminded me that he's probably catching up with my dad right now, talking about the kids and how cute the grandbabies are. So I'll find comfort in that.

Bye Uncle. I love you.

Uncle Nofre

My mother called me last night with the words, "Uncle Nofre is going to the emergency room by ambulance."

Thank God I was sitting down already when I answered the phone. The last time she told me that one of my uncles was going to an emergency room by ambulance, the outcome was not good.

Turns out that Uncle Nofre was feeling some shortness of breath and called Dr. Gaby, his GP. Anyway, Gaby told him to call an ambulance. Uncle protested saying that he could drive to the hospital. Can you believe that??? Oh Uncle! Anyway, she protested and Uncle relented. The ambulance took him to the hospital. My mother was notified and got on the phone to let the family know what was going on.

My cousin Lydia met Uncle at the emergency room. Thanks Lydia. That was really a relief to have you there. I hope that you weren't too inundated with phone calls. I imagine that must have been difficult -- especially with my mother giving everybody your mobile number so we could call you and ask how things were going.

Tests were run and Uncle was discharged into Aunty Snuffy's care. I'm sending out a plea for prayers for Aunty Snuffy because now she'll have the 2 brothers to take care of under one roof. Patience and love, patience and love. And when those fail: beer and poke, beer and poke.

Thankfully it wasn't a heart attack or something more dire. With luck, his condition can be handled with some changes in his medicine regimen and diet.

So please, send healing prayers for Uncle Nofre. And just in case, beer and poke never hurt nobody.

Fw: fundraising for the kids

Forwarded Message ----
From: Tess H
To: Dwite; Lola ; Uncle Nofre ; Mom & Dad Haddon
Sent: Monday, September 8, 2008 9:26:06 PM
Subject: fundraising for the kids

I'm figuring I'm going to end up asking you all for money for the 3 kids activities so why not today, right?

Just got back from Lil' T's preschool meeting. Looks like the fundraising goal for the parents is going to be in the ball park $350 per family. Princess's is far more reasonable at $100. I haven't gotten word from That's school, but it is probably going to be around $100 too.

Lil'T's school is a non-profit organization so you can send a tax deductible donation directly to the school. Another way you can help is to go to www.eScrip.com and sign up your Safeway card for their school. It doesn't matter where you live, they'll hook you up to send the donation to her school. The school is really hurting because the location they were in when Princess was their student flooded last year. This left them to move to a new location. It is a great space, but to move the play structure, it will cost $12,000 -- which is far more than they can afford. Until then, the kids will be playing on some pretty cool boulders and the dirt. Imagine Lil'T in dirt. I know, pathetic.

Princess is going to be in a jogathon, where she does exercises for the day and you sponsor her. Checks can be made out to the PTO.

That has a similar thing in the math-a-thon, where he does math problems in a quizbowl type setting and you sponsor him. Checks can be made out to the PTO.

I'll leave you with this -- Lil' T in the dirt playing with rocks.

Worse -- Lil'T playing in the MUD with rocks.

 

Tess

I sent this email to my usual suspects in the family. My brother without kids of his own and the grands. But I am sharing it with all of you because buried in there is a great program for fundraising which is absolutely painless -- www.eScrip.com -- and all you have to do is sign up your Safeway or Vons or whatever participating grocery store club membership card number is and you'll be able to funnel money to your cause. Now, for my 3 kids, all of their schools are participating. It is a great source of year round revenue. My Safeway card garnered about $10 for the school in half a year. It isn't much, but if you consider how many families are participating, that turns into real money real fast. You can also register your Macy's card or local participating retail credit card.

So reader, if you'd like to give your Safeway pennies to Lil'T's school so she won't be playing in the dirt for much longer, please email me and I'll send you her school number. You can select 3 schools, churches or other nonprofit organizations to recieve your eScrip dollars.

And really, can you stand thinking about my sweet Little T being left to play in the mud? Heartbreaking, isn't it?

Happy Birthday Uncle Nofre

Uncle Nofre asked that we celebrate his birthday with cake and candles. I think he just wanted the kids to have cake.

Trollin' for chicks in the Costco line

Know that I like men. I truly do. But there are some things I certainly can do without. Some things, as with wine, you think would mellow with age. You'd think that some of the things that make men a little creepy would eventually fade with some years. But no. So long as they have testicles, they remain slaves to their hormones.

Like a certain uncle of ours who in the receiving line at our father's funeral gladly took the hug from a very pretty friend of my brother. And even had the nerve to turn around and check out her behind. At my father's funeral!!! (I don't really fault him for that. There were few rays of humor during that very dark time and that was one of them. Actually, I'm glad he did it. Makes that memory lighter to bear.)

But to the title of the post. Today I was standing in line for my $1.50 hot dogs at Costco behind a older gentleman -- probably in his late 70's. He was dressed in a grey cardigan, olive slacks and a wool herringbone driving cap which didn't fully conceal the fact that there was not much hair under there. The hair sticking out from under the hat was snowy white. He was old.

In front of him in line was a cute teen-aged girl. She must have been about 16 or 17 years old. An older lady walked by and told the girl to order her a coffee. The lady looked like she was maybe in her 70's as well. She was wearing a lilac overcoat which set off her pretty silver hair which she had done up in big curls near the crown of her head. Well, the elder in front of me watched the girl's grandma walk by, turned around to watch her walk away, and then asked the girl, "Is that your grandma?" Girl nodded. "How old is she? That's one good looking woman."

What was priceless was the look on the girl's face. You could see the absolute horror that some old man was checking her nana out. That was just not right.

The old man went on to say, "I'm probably wrong here, but I bet she's not even 70. You'll probably say she's much older, but wow, she looks great." I saw him glance back in grandma's direction again. The young girl pulled her cell phone out of her pocket and looked like she was engrossed in texting somebody. I think she was just trying to avoid having to give her grandma's phone number to the guy in the Costco line.

But man, when I'm an old lady, I hope I can still attract the attention of the dudes out there. Chick's still got game!

On missing Dad

This is a present to my brother whose kids were born after my father passed away. My father narrates this entire video made almost 11 years ago now. Few of things of note:

1. Man, didn't we all look so young?
2. The briefest opening shot was taken at my brother's graduation from Dental School.
3. Favorite part of the video: When Dad says, "got um..." because you might think that because of the size of the vid here on the webpage, you can't read the card he's trying to focus on. But really, you can't read the card he's trying to focus on. It is totally blurry.
4. Boy, I don't miss my husband's glasses at all.
5. You'll also see Uncle Bob, Aunty Priscilla, & Uncle Nofre.
6. That was our first apartment we nicknamed, "The cave."
7. The windowsill shot was because of slight jaundice.
8. I still think he was the prettiest baby I've ever seen. My girls could not compare to his beauty as a newborn. They've caught up now, but man, back in the day...
9. Seriously, so young.

Our new names

This 2 year old age is such a fun part of growing up. My youngest is learning new words at such a quick pace, it is hard to catch up. She's renamed a few people in the family. Uncle Nofre is named, "Nana." Those of you who know any Ilocano are aware that nana = auntie, but tata is uncle. I think he's just tickled that he's got a name. My mother, who should be referred to as, "Lola," is now, "Mom." That hurt a little, but I'm over it. My other daughter has been renamed with a 'd' as her first initial instead of a 'c'. But my son is known as, "That."

My son was feeling a little bad because he's not being called by his name, but I figure it is okay. Think of the possibilities. Every time somebody says, "That's cool," they would be referring to him. How about, "That's awesome! That's amazing! That's my boy!" See, it's not all bad.

So when he starts grousing about how the baby won't say his name, I commiserate and say, "That's a bummer."