Fully Programmed

The Great Wolf Lodge sent us some marketing materials earlier this month. We went there for Spring Break the year they opened and I guess they've been missing our contributions to their bottom line. I more precisely should say that they sent the brochure to our 3 kids. It was a glossy full color one complete with word scramble, connect the dots, beautiful pictures of happy children who have parents that look good in swimsuits. Clearly all fantasy shots. But there was a fun little activity that our princess took to immediately. It was a picture of an empty suit case and the directions stated that you draw all the things you need to bring with you to the Great Wolf Lodge. Princess enlisted the help of her brother and Lil'T to figure out what to draw. I could figure out what most of the pictures were. There were 3 sets of bathing suits, a speedo which is the bird shaped drawing in the upper left corner supposedly for my husband. There was a sack lunch and a bottle of milk. There was one pillow. There was dog food, a stick, and even Holly in the suitcase. Tho I'm pretty sure Holly would object to being stuffed in a suitcase. There was one really puzzling picture that looked like a rectangular brush with a dark stripe down the middle.

Me: What's that?

Princess: Oh, that's the money you could be saving if you switched to Geico.

I don't know how I feel about that. I don't think I'll get nominated for parent of the year considering that my kids are so easily programmed. On the other hand, maybe I should switch to Geico. Then maybe we could afford a trip to the Great Wolf Lodge.

TheGirlsWedding

I didn't catch swine flu. At least I don't think I did. But I did get a major case of homesickness for Hawaii. When people ask me about the wedding, I tell them that it felt like I was at a garage party in the heart of Waipahu. The only things missing were the mosquito punks, the buckets of water under the outside lights to catch the moths, and the old guys in the corner playing Sakura cards and drinking beer. There was the beer drinking but not the card playing.

There was Hawaiian plate lunch food: steamed rice, teri chicken, fried noodles, kalbi ribs, mac salad, green salad. The cake was so good. It was a coconut type filling and so tasty that I had a piece as big as my head. Well, maybe not that big, but definitely bigger than I would have taken had it not been coconut in the center.

Dawn, Noelle's sister, sang "What are you doing for the rest of your life?" by Na Leo as Noelle and Edie danced. I folded up a dollar bill so small and put it so deep down Edie's shirt that I don't think Noelle had a chance to retrieve it. Oops. Seriously, I wasn't trying to cop a feel on your wife, Noelle. We sang "Dahil Sa Iyo" to Edie. It was a great moment; Noelle, her cousins and me belting it out to her wife. Edie said later that it was the only time she had cried all day long. It was so very sweet. Afterward, her cousins told her, "You're part of the family now, Edie."

During the reception, we had a jam session with guitar and uke playing, stumbled through Hawaiian lyrics that we had to plumb the depths of our memory to find those elusive melodies. We were cracking jokes and laughing. Noelle at one point told us the, "Watch out, watch out, watch out," story that had us all rolling. Music, laughter, free flowing wine and beer, and yummy cake. What's not to like?

I absolutely fell in love with Noelle's extended family. My head actually hurt from laughing so much. We reminisced about going to St. Joe's for grade school. We did the usual, "What school you grad?" stuff that is kind of a given when you gather a bunch of people from Hawaii in a room. And while I was just home to Hawaii only a couple of months ago with my own family, the visit was so colored with grief that I still miss home. The abject joy of hanging out with family, how Dawn's son Aston called me Aunty even though he had never met me before, all the inside jokes, how when I said, "chai wait," that I was understood perfectly (yeah, that slipped out of my mouth at one point and actually surprised me because I thought those Waipahu roots were well buried)-- I miss that.

Oh well, my brothers with respective families, my mom, Hubby's parents and my sister-in-law, will all be here at the end of the month. That means that I need to somehow get it so that there shouldn't be a red plastic wrap on my front door emblazoned with the word BIOHAZARD. I need to clean this house. That's the downside of family gatherings. But the upside is that I get to see everybody -- and we'll be laughing over shared inside jokes and singing loud bad karaoke in the media room.

I can't wait.

Visiting the cousins

This past Saturday was the Red Egg and Ginger party for my new(ish) nephew Aash*t. He is 6 months old and the sweetest baby on the planet. I'm totally in love with him. He is one of those dream babies. He rarely cries and when he does, he is usually consolable. He has a sweet personality and smiles easily, laughs even easier. The thighs on that boy are so chubby your fingers sink into them, you can't help but squeeze. Oh, I'll miss him. I've heard babies like this referred to as "sucker babies." They're so sweet and precious that you get suckered into having another baby. At which point God or the universe decides to bring down the hammer with a reproduction-activity-ending-baby: a colicky, scrawny, foul tempered spawn that will make you wonder if there is something seriously wrong with your husband's gene pool.

I don't think there is any worry that my brother and sister-in-law (SIL) will get suckered into having another baby. Little Aash*t was a surprise as it was. No, they started with Ashley and Alex, twin girl and boy. Ashley & Alex are 3 years old. I think God decided that my brother needed to have an easy time of it for once after the baptism of fire with twins up front so He gave my brother Aash*t. The twins are not without their charms though.

Ashley was looking for her mother one day. I told her that Mommy was in the bathroom so Ashley waited outside the bathroom door. When my SIL emerged from the bathroom, Ashley asked, "Mommy, where you go?" My SIL said, "I went potty." To which the potty training Ashley said, "Good job, Mommy," and clapped.

That reminds me of the time I was shopping in Safeway with a 2 or 3 year old That. His daddy was lagging behind so That turned around and said, "Come on Big Boy. Come on!"

Alex is the perfect example of a thrill seeking boy. If he's not climbing on something, he's trying desperately to find and press buttons everywhere. I predict that he will be one of those boys who will take apart something just to see how it works. He must be taught what the Great Wizard Gandalf said: "He who breaks a thing to find out what it is has left the path of wisdom." I think that assumes that Alex was on the path of wisdom in the first place. Really, what 3 year old boy ever is on that path? I'm certain my 11 year old hasn't quite found it yet. I think I'll send lots of helmets and other protective equipment for him along with his first skateboard. Considering that they live in concrete San Francisco, there's some seriously gnarly hills to shred. (I know it looks like I'm trying too hard to be hip and cool. I am.)

The twins adored That. I think Alex and That had a special connection. I told That that boys just need time with boy energy. There was an enormous amount of rough play and screeching which was just wonderful to watch. Painful to hear but wonderful to watch. Earplugs would have been a boon.

Lil'T was about 3 inches taller than both of the twins. I think she weighs about 15 pounds more than either of them. I was trying to get them to call her Lil'T because that would just be funny in a Little John of Robin Hood fame kind of way. Lil'T and her cousins bathed together in one big bathtub every evening. Alex typically will stand and pee before he takes a bath. Lil'T was absolutely in awe of this. After one particular bath, she came out of the tub and told me, "I want a boto potty." For my non-pino(a)y readers out there, boto = penis. From what I gather, she was suffering from a major case of penis envy. Specifically, the ability of her cousin to pee while standing up. I totally can understand her pain because I remember having that same kind of envy with my brothers. Totally unfair.

It was good to visit with them and I always leave wishing that they lived closer.

Summer Vacation 2007, pt. 6 -- last one

JASPER

Gerry came home early on our last day there. We were able to plot out a course home that would shave a whole day on our journey. Instead of going back through Banff and through Idaho, he suggested we head due west through Jasper. I'm so glad we did so. It was an amazing ride.

Jasper was such a great drive. We're definitely going to camp there next time instead of Banff. It was there that we saw moose chowing down on some vegetation not 3 yards away from our car (what is that, about 2.7 meters?) and we saw a bear come up to the guard rail, consider crossing traffic, and decide to turn back and swim a little more in the lake. I don't even have to tell you how beautiful it was. I have no good words to express how much awe we experienced going through there.

THE QUEST FOR A BED

Gerry gave us a list of hotels for us to consider on our journey. He suggested we telephone along the way so we could arrange for accommodation the one night we'd have to sleep over. We made amazing time so when we got to the town Gerry had suggested we get a hotel in, it was only 7pm. My husband decided to keep driving a little bit longer.

We realized our error at around 10 pm and the cities were scarce and the hotels few and far between. We stopped at one little lodge that said that they had a room for about $140, but they only had 1 full sized bed in it and a couch. And by the way, it is a smoking room but the upside is that there was a jacuzzi. I didn't think I wanted to sleep in a jacuzzi while breathing in stale cigarette smoke. 5 people on a full sized bed didn't seem like it would be remotely restful. Might be better to stay in the car. I just wanted to sleep.

So we were on to the next town, Avola. When we stopped in front of the hotel, we didn't think that it was open for business because of the utter lack of cars out front. But there was a cheery neon "open" sign in an upstairs window, so my husband got out to check. While he was in the office, I soaked in the ambiance. Right next door was the Rednecks Roadhouse. I didn't know that Canadians had rednecks. I thought that was a purely United States American kind of phenomenon popularized by Jeff Foxworthy. Who knew? But that establishment too had only 2 cars out front of it. I was getting a little worried, but when my husband was taking more than a few minutes in that office, I knew we would be spending the night.

He got a suite.

In the suite, there were 2 double beds and 1 queen bed. There was a kitchenette and full sized refrigerator for our use. The kitchenette was fully equipped with china, pots, pans and utensils. There was no satellite television, but we were welcome to check out DVD's at the front office for no extra charge. There was room service which was provided by the Rednecks Roadhouse. How convenient! Out back, there was a kids' wading pool and also a hot tub. How great is that!

Imagining a 4 star hotel right now? Thinking there were satin sheets and mints on the pillows?

You would be wrong.

It was kind of like the Bates Motel because they were both built in the 1960's. The stairs were very rickety and I thought that I might break though a floor board because I was carrying the 30# baby with me. My husband walked on tiptoes so the extra vibration of his footfalls wouldn't shake the foundation and cause the whole structure to implode. We did wake the kids and ate a dinner of hotdog buns and canned chili which had been heated in the kitchenette. Nice not to use a camp stove.

The beds were as promised, but they also seemed to have been the original beds and bedding purchased to furnish the hotel back in the 1960's. I was thankful that each child would have their own sleeping area. Hubby and the toddler got the big bed, I got one of the doubles which I later ended up sharing with the middle kid, and our eldest got the other double bed to himself.

BACK TO THE USA

We awoke early because hubby wanted to get back to the US as soon as possible. We had hoped to grab breakfast before we left Avola but we were out of luck. Hubby announced that after a quick look at the surrounding eateries, "Rednecks Roadhouse is closed.
Gas Food Store Gas is closed. And sadly, Restaurant is closed." We'd have to get our food elsewhere.

Now I would be remiss not to add that it was really beautiful there. There should be a better tourist economy for little Avola, because check this out.
Plus, the Avola Mountain Motel a.k.a. Bayside Pacific Inn has this great promotion. As we were the only people who stayed there that we could see, we're probably shoe ins for this prize.


3 hours on the road later, the kids completely hepped up on candy, we finally stopped and asked some guy who was trimming the hedges next to the Tim Hortons where a good place to eat was. He suggested a Waffle Haus that served these amazing Belgian Waffles. It was a nice place to eat and we were glad for it. Hubby was not handling the lack of food and caffeine very well.

We stopped in Chilliwack and bought some corn at a stand at a gas station. My sister-in-law laughed at me when I pronouced Chilliwack like this -- Chilly-whack. How else are you supposed to pronounce that? She said it should be more like -- chill-lou-whack. But if it is chill-lou-whack, I say change it to be spelled Chillouwhack, right? Anyway, Chilliwack is known for its corn. It was pretty tasty when we cooked it up at home.

We had more fun at the border crossing -- again brought to us courtesy of my husband whose brain had been completely fried after driving for 2 days straight. The border agent asked my husband where he was born.

And my husband stumbled.

He said, "Oh, I was born in... uh, where was that again? Oh, ummm..."

I gave him, "Thousand Oaks, remember?"

Then he said, "Oh, right, Ventura County. Man, I just couldn't remember that!"

I was again thinking that I would be holding my husband while he cried crouched in the corner of the shower about how the cavity search had been so rough. "Couldn't they have used lubricant?"

But the crossing agent was super cool. He laughed and said that somebody who was trying to sneak into the country would *NEVER* forget which county they had been born in. They'd have memorized that. He figured, rightly, that my husband belonged in the USA.

I was glad that I didn't raid Cindy & Gerry's freezer for some moose sausage and moose roast. I had considered it, but the crossing agent did ask if we had raw meat in the cooler and I wonder if he'd have confiscated it. That would have made me cry like a baby.

We made it to Alderwood mall in Lynnwood, WA early enough to return our broken Yakima Skybox. It was pretty nice to get that $500 back in our pockets, even though they pretty much said screw you on the sleeping bag that we lost. Supposedly they forwarded our request for payment for our lost sleeping bag to Yakima, but I doubt that we'll be getting that back.

Anyway, since we're back in the states, I figure I'll stop regaling you with stories about our Canadian/Idahoan vacation. Thanks for reading.

Peace out.

Summer Vacation 2007, pt 5

AND THEN THERE WAS THE MESS ABOUT THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN WEDNESDAY AND THURSDAY

According to my husband, he told Cindy that we would be at her house on Thursday. But by my calculation, we were going to be at her house on Wednesday. As it was Wednesday and we were very close to her town.

"No, Tess, yesterday was Wednesday and today is Thursday."

"I'm sorry you think that, honey, but today is Wednesday. Yesterday was Tuesday."

"You're so mixed up, Tess. Today is Thursday."

"Honey, if yesterday was Wednesday, why were we able to get the Pasta Tuesday special at Boston Pizza yesterday?"

Unable to answer my question, he had to concede the point. He did not admit that he was wrong, because that does not ever happen. But he did concede that Boston Pizza clearly had made a mistake when they gave us the special on the wrong day.

So when we showed up on Wednesday evening, it could have been a disaster. Because of the mixed up days, Gerry's cousin and his wife were also spending the night at Cindy and Gerry's house. They were due to depart on Thursday so there would have been no overlap if my husband's days were right. They graciously gave up the room they were sleeping in and let us have it. My son was in hog heaven sleeping with his 3 boy cousins all around his age. As we made our way into McClennan, and we were greeted by nephews by the sides of the road. They were standing on street corners and running after our car as we drove by. Quite a welcome wagon!

DANGEROUSLY GOOD LOOKING

Cindy and Gerry do go on and on about how beautiful it is up there. And it truly is "God's country," as Cindy calls it. But then in the next breath, Gerry talked about the strange neighbor who owns the 2 vicious dogs that he goads into scaring the neighborhood children. And then he talked about the guy who survived a mountain lion attack by hugging the creature, working his hand towards his hunting knife, and managing to stab it before it mauled him. And then he told about the guy who got attacked by a bear and ultimately managed to get away after delivering fatal stab wounds to the bear with his hunting knife. All this happened pretty close to their neighborhood. I was thinking that I needed to arm my family with some hunting knives.

And then there are the bugs. Cindy says that she's gotten used to it now. She has special wiper fluid to deal with the bugs because they get splattered on the cars. No one ever breathes with their mouths open because of the high protein content of the air on summer evenings. There are scary hairy caterpillars that walk across the road as you drive by. Gerry said that they get so thick sometimes that one year they stopped the train. The tracks had gotten so slick from squished caterpillars, the train was unable to go up a slope from slippage. And Gerry warned us that the caterpillars should not be handled because their "fur" has the same properties as fiberglass.

ONE LESS THING OFF THE "MUST DO BEFORE I DIE" LIST

The next day (Thursday for the rest of the world but Friday for my husband) we found Gerry at work so we could fulfill my husband's fondest childhood dream. Gerry works for the city in road maintenance. He drives a huge Caterpillar grader. Ever since he was a young boy, my husband has wanted to drive a grader. He said it is because as a child he imagined that the grader looked the most like a stegosaurus. I don't really understand this testosterone driven desire to move earth. It's a guy thing. It really was a joy to see him grinning as he rode down the gravel road with Gerry.

THE QUEST FOR BIRTHDAY CAKE

Cindy's boss, Leona, from the Christian Bookstore, was throwing a big end of summer party at her farm on Saturday. They were also celebrating the baptism of Melissa, her daughter's nanny. Leona, knowing that Gerry's birthday was coming up, suggested that they make it a surprise birthday party for him as well. So Cindy and I were off to find a cake. There are 2 grocery stores in Falher. When we went to the first one's bakery, we discovered that the shelves were bare. The baker was on vacation. So we went to the second store. Cindy placed her order and all was well. Until we got the phone call the following day that the baker was going on vacation on Friday -- so the cake would not be done. What are the chances? I think that the 2 grocery stores really need to provide coverage for each other. There should be 1 baker in the city at all times. I mean, they do it for doctors. Why can't they do it for bakers? Ultimately Cindy was able to get her friend Giselle to pick a cake up from Grand Prairie. Their baker wasn't invited to the Falher bakers' vacation, apparently.

BEAR BAIT

On Friday (hubby's Saturday), we went to a beautiful freshwater lake. I'm sure Cindy will comment with the name of the lake but I can't remember. We grilled up burgers and roasted marshmallows. Even though Gerry said he had grown up just a couple of kilometers from there and had never seen a bear at that park, I still kept looking over my shoulder. Seriously, we were roasting marshmallows! What bear can resist marshmallows, especially after having a feast of tasty Americans?

We walked out to the lake where my nephew, Cameron, spotted hundreds of shrews hiding under rocks. I didn't see them myself, but I'm sure they were there. We also saw some pelicans on the water and a sunset melting into the water. The reflection of the waning day on the still water made the horizon almost indiscernible, so the water from the lake seemed to flow into the heavens. Several people were fishing, which made hubby very nervous. He has a phobia about fish hooks. Something about having to push the barbed ones through should you get one stuck in your finger or your eye. This is because pulling it out would cause even more tissue damage. I guess I have a phobia about them too in that sense. The mosquitoes were out in force that evening and just so you know, those mosquitoes consider DEET to be seasoning on humans, not a repellent.

DEPORTATION

On the way back, Cameron rode in our car with our son. We were talking about the Canadian National Anthem because Cam's older brother Sam had sung it at the opening of a business in McClennan. Sam has a beautiful voice -- like the ping from good crystal. Cam said he thought he could sing it too, so long as we sang along with him.

"Sorry Cam, we can't sing it."

"Why not?"

"We're Americans. It's against the law for us to sing the Canadian National Anthem. If the crossing agents find out we did sing it, they won't let us back in."

Long pause. "Really?"

Gravely, my son said, "Really. It's true Cameron." Short pause. "Wait, is it true, Mom?"

Hubby and I couldn't hold it in any longer and busted up laughing. But when we got home, Cameron was still a little unsure. He asked his dad, who without missing a beat, told him with all seriousness that it is against the law for Americans to sing the Canadian National anthem and vice versa. And while we all joined in and sang both anthems, Cameron was having a fit. We all assured him that nobody would tell the authorities, and we all could stay in our respective countries. But oh no! I've just posted this on a public blog. Oops!

WILDLIFE CAN BE BEAUTIFUL AND YUMMY

Saturday we woke up to moose sausage. Yup, what Canadian vacation could possibly be complete without moose sausage? Some of Gerry's friends had hunted a moose that season and had to empty out their freezer to make room for the new moose. This was great for us. Moose sausage is AWESOME!!! It made every moment of driving on the unfinished roads, splattering countless insects, enduring endless hours of "S/he's looking at me!" in the car. Yes, it was that good. I told Cindy that I wanted more of that and she said I could have as much as I want so long as I came up to McClennan to get it. I'm planning the next trip.

Moose was also used very cleverly by my sister-in-law to entice us into staying longer than we had planned. Every day she said that she'd make a moose roast for dinner, but strangely, every evening she ended up making something else or we'd end up eating some place else. She promised me the moose roast and managed to get us to stay through Monday so we could eat it. Let me tell you, it was worth the wait. Moose is delicious.

On Sunday, we got to meet a lot of Cindy's in-laws at church and some of her church family. My daughter met twin 6 year old girls who were absolutely adorable and gave her good girl playdate time. After church, my daughter went to their house for an afternoon of playing. She's trying to keep in touch by email. Cindy's friend Dar came over to the house bearing an enormous amount of chai tea. This girl takes her tea very seriously -- and it was fabulous. I tell you, Cindy has some really great friends in this little community. Later that afternoon, we went out to Gerry's folk's farm where Gerry's nephew has set up a paintball field. It is complete with old combines and rusting out cars which make great hiding places and sniper lookouts. While the boys were out doing that, Cindy and I were visiting with her in-laws, Lucille and Maurice. We had a great time playing a card game -- something about a witch. Maurice and Cindy were absolutely merciless to Lucille and me -- they beat us bloody! But we had a great time and I got to brush up on my high school French.

On Monday, my eldest nephew Blake had to go to Grand Prairie for a doctor's visit. I have to tell you, the kid is only 13 years old but he's already taller than me. And I know you all are snickering that it isn't much of a feat to get taller than me, I should mention that he's almost 5'10. That's pretty impressive by normal mortal standards. But I guess it isn't all that impressive considering that my own husband was 5 feet tall in kindergarten. I married a mutant. Back to Grand Prairie. I tagged along so I could go grocery shopping with Cindy. I bought candy bribes for my kids anticipating the drive home.

More to come.

Summer Vacation, pt. 4

DINOSAURS ARE COOL

We broke camp in the morning and were on our way to visit the Royal Tyrell Museum. This museum is well worth the price of admission. If you are planning a trip to Canada, you MUST make the time to go there, even if you don't have any kids. In fact, it might be more fun for you if you didn't bring your kids. I almost nixed the idea of going there at all because we were having such a hard time finding it -- it too is way out in the boonies. But they built the museum near the site where they found the fossils and you get the feeling that if you just dig in the dirt a little bit, you will find a T-Rex fossil staring back at you.

We knew we were close just because we were seeing huge fake resin dinosaurs hocking anything from french fries and burgers to tires and turds. That last bit was a strange little sign we saw at a convenience store next to a filling station. "Turds: $3.99." We were thinking that turds in Canada were really expensive. We just make our own. For free. And occasionally use them as housewarming gifts.

Anyway, the drive was pretty cool, except all that new oil money out in Canada has made the big road projects affordable, and the Canadians are wasting no time. We drove through miles (oops, I mean kilometers) of dusty gravel roads because they were resurfacing and widening everything. The kids really enjoyed seeing the huge earth moving machines and the graders. When there wasn't road construction, we were traveling through some of the juiciest bug swarms in the country. It was GROSS. That really did continue for the rest of the trip. They were splattered on our windshield, our luggage box, the front grill, -- just everywhere. And when we were parked, the wasps would swarm around the carcasses of these bugs and chow down. How's that for yummy? I guess the ones smashed over the engine were cooked too so I can almost understand that. Even wasps want variety in food preparation.

When we left there, we went off to find a hotel for the night -- further north of course. We ended up at the Norseman Inn. My son rated this hotel as a 4 star hotel. The beds were super comfy. I don't know if it was comfy by comparison to the gravel ground or just comfy because they were inherently comfy. But it was nice and clean so I was glad for it.

POUTINE

Our next stop was thankfully Cindy & Gerry's house in McClennan. I suspect that if anybody from McClennan stumbles on this blog, they will know exactly who Cindy and Gerry are. It is that small of a town.

On our way to Cindy & Gerry's house, we stopped by an A&W Express. It was there that we were introduced to a Canadian delicacy called poutine. It is french fries and cheese curds smothered with brown gravy. That is the flavor of the gravy-- brown. Very salty but pretty tasty. The kids had been just awful in the car. There was screaming alternated with crying and the shouts of, "Stop (touching, looking at, copying, etc.) me!" So when we stopped at the A&W, my husband said, "Let's get floats but none for the kids since they've been so awful." I decided that wouldn't be fair because they had no idea that consequence was even a possibility. So I got them small rootbeer shakes with their food. My husband told them to thank me for letting them have a treat. But then I laid down the law.

"I'm pretty sure that you can survive on peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. There is protein, fat, and carbohydrates all rolled up in one sandwich. It would not be neglect to feed you nothing but peanut butter and jelly sandwiches for the rest of the trip. And should you continue to scream, cry, and fight with each other in the back seat, you will have nothing to eat but peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. If you're hungry -- pb & j. If your aunt prepares a feast for us, you get pb & j. If we're all having a dessert of ice cream and cake -- you get pb & j. Do you understand the consequence of more fighting in the back seat?"

They were angels for the rest of the ride to Cindy's house. Praise God. And thanks to pb & j.

Summer Vacation 2007, pt. 3

ROGER & MARLA'S MOST AWESOME PLACE

By the 3rd day at the Sleep Inn, we were pretty sick of the waffles. For now, my kids deny ever having done the happy dance when the waffle iron was spotted. This morning was for toast, muffins and fruit. I grabbed some of the hard boiled eggs thinking that maybe the family would enjoy having some protein, but I was wrong on that count.

We went to visit some friends of my husband who live in Idaho. They purchased several acres overlooking a lake and are working on building their dream home on the property. Roger and Marla have a gorgeous view -- truly breath taking. Marla has some pretty high end taste and it really shows. They have 3 buildings on the property so far. The first one they built was a 2 car garage which they lived in for a while as they built and completed construction on Roger's wood shop. When it was completed, they moved themselves and their furnishings into the wood shop, where they will live until the house is completed. The house exterior is built but the interiors are still unfinished. The house is up the mountain a bit and has amazing vistas of the surrounding range and the lake. They do live a little removed from the city but it is worth it. This visit has given my hubby nothing but grandiose ideas for what we can do with a little piece of property we own about 45 minutes drive from our home which has water and mountain views plus beach access. True, I would love to do what they're doing. But that is for a time when we are feeling a little less pinched than we are now. As we were leaving though, Roger said something to me that made me feel less pinched. He said, "This place is our legacy. You have yours riding in the back seat."

Marla made an amazing lunch of grilled burgers and corn on the cob for us. We were stuffed. Knowing we had at least a 6 hour drive ahead of us, we told the kids to go potty and took that advice ourselves. I began to get worried about my husband after he had been in there for 10 minutes or so. He joined the rest of the party outside while I was trying to get the kids back into the car. Hubby asked, "Do you guys have a plunger?" As awful as it is, the toilet had gotten clogged. Here's what's even worse. Marla and Roger only have the one toilet. Both of them went scrambling around their property looking for the plunger that both swore they had bought on a recent trip to Home Depot. But alas, no plunger was to be found. And then my husband said something that reminded me why I married him. "Well, it isn't the conventional house warming present, but I'm not a conventional kind of guy." Funny keeps marriages strong.

BANFF

We headed north. We took a border crossing out of Idaho that was really quick. Seriously, there was only one car ahead of us in line. It is, incidentally, the place where the border crossing agent didn't know where the heck McClennan is. After driving for what felt like forever, we arrived at our campsite at Banff. The ranger who checked us in told us that sadly, there wasn't any firewood left for us to take so we would be getting a refund for that expense. We found our site and using braille and our 2 flashlights, hubby managed to put up our tent while I heated up 2 cans of chili over our camp stove. We didn't have firewood and I looked over at our neighbors and realized where all the firewood had gone -- they had enough for a small bonfire. Well, just because you're out camping doesn't mean that you're not jerks. Jerks in the cities just become jerks in the wilderness when they go camping. It had been a horribly hot day so we didn't even bother to put the fly up over the tent. We came to regret that later.

I had bought foam pads for us to sleep on. When you set up your tent on gravel, like the rangers ask you to do, a little 1/2 inch - 3/4 inch pad of foam doesn't do much to keep you comfortable. We were exhausted, so we did fall asleep eventually, but at around maybe 3 or 4 in the morning, the wind was ripping through the tent and we were just miserable and cold. I had considered going and "camping" in the car. At least the car seats are padded and the wind can't get through. I kind of just kept rolling over like when you're on the beach sunbathing. One side of my body would get sharp pains from laying on gravel so I'd make a 1/4 turn. Then I'd catch a couple of minutes of sleep. Then that part of my body would wake me in pain so I'd make another 1/4 turn. And so on, and so on, through the night. Anyway, the next morning I cooked up an amazing breakfast -- mostly amazing because I did it on our camp stove using a very tiny frying pan. We had sausage and eggs and some bread. And after we breakfasted, we were off to explore.

LAKE MINNETONKA & BEAR PROOF TRASHCANS

The first place we went was a mountain lake. It's called Lake Minnetonka. And I may be making that up because my memory is not too good. It was a gorgeous place. The water was an amazing turquoise blue. There weren't too many tourists, but the ones we ran into were from all over the planet. Even the Canadians there spoke French, just to make us feel more and more like we were in a foreign country. Hubby calls Canada, "Europe Lite."

A remarkable thing about the parks there is that every outdoor trashcan is a bear proof one. You need to use your clever human fingers to deftly unlatch the lid and insert your garbage. What I didn't realize was that not only are the trashcans bear proof, they are also idiot proof. I don't mean that in the sense that it is so simple to use, that an idiot can use it. I mean the phrase in the same context as the bears. If you are an idiot, you cannot figure out how to open the trashcan. I cannot tell you how many coffee cups and food wrappers I found just placed out in front of the trashcan like it was a shrine to trash instead of a receptacle, because whoever brought them up to the can just couldn't figure out how to open it. Sad really. But maybe that means that the education system EVERYWHERE in the world is just kind of shoddy and maybe we Americans should stop beating ourselves up about our education system. But who is to say that the idiots who couldn't open the bear cans weren't US graduates of our public schools? Oh well.

That afternoon, we went up Sulfur Mountain in the gondola. That was an amazing ride. There is a sense of vertigo as you get higher and higher. Older daughter was a little freaked out so being the supportive and loving family we are, hubby, son and I swayed back and forth in unison, rocking the gondola but not coming anywhere near close to capsizing it. Oh now, don't think she was freaking out completely. She ultimately thought it was funny and joined in the swaying, but at first she did get a little scared. When we reached the top, we got to see some mountain goats pretty close up. We walked the entire pathway up to the higher observatory peak and former camp of a weather guy for the range. I learned recently that you only retain about 10% of what you read and I cannot for the life of me remember the name of that old weather guy who used to hike up Sulfur Mountain back at the turn of the century, so he could monitor snow & rain fall levels and temperature readings. I read that information and it is amongst the 90% of information that fell out of my brain a.k.a. the sieve. The little one did great and walked the entire way. The way down was just as fun as the way up. We didn't buy the way overpriced picture of us on the gondola but we did take pictures up there that were pretty spectacular.

That evening, we put the fly on the tent. Lesson learned. More to come.

2007 Summer Vacation pt. 2

JUST SAY NO TO DRUGS

The novelty of waffles and waffle iron had kind of worn off by this time but we hung in there and ate our misshapen waffles cheerily. The kids had begged to start the day with more swimming but we told them that this was the day for Boulder Beach -- Silverwood's water park.

I really want to commend Silverwood for being creative in keeping kids off of drugs. I say this because they sure have come up with clever positions for teens to take during these hot summer months instead of hanging out in the Safeway parking lot and listening to hits of the 70's, 80's & 90's which is piped out of the store speakers, while trying to score a six pack of beer. Paid positions like the Locker Key Boy (LKB). See, you rent lockers at Boulder Beach for $5. They give you a bracelet to wear. Then you show your bracelet to the LKB on duty. The LKB walks you to your locker, unlocks it for you, and hopefully, you can figure out the rest. If you can't, the LKB will be more than happy to explain how to lock your locker. Just be sure to show him your bracelet.

Most of you have seen my husband and know that he is 6'9. These locker geniuses at Silverwood gave him a locker closest to the floor. Does this make any sense at all? No. But, since they have LKB's, clearly they're not looking for logic much. Many times, there were not enough LKB's to be found and you just had to grab one from across the locker room and drag him over to your locker. To their credit, they never once huffed or complained or said, "that's not my sector..." They just walked over and unlocked our locker for us. Good on them.

WATER FUN & THE QUEST FOR FOOD

The water park was the most fun of all. It being Saturday, the crowds were fierce, but we spent a great deal of time in the wave pools, Polliwog Park and Toddler Springs so we didn't have a lot of line waiting. Well, sort of.

We decided to splurge and buy lunch at the park. A prime table had opened up in the eating area so I sat and fed the baby. My husband got in line and waited. And waited. And waited. After about an hour, in which 2 families had sat beside me, eaten their food and left, my family finally returned with enough fried food to kill even a marathoner. My husband is incredibly intolerant of lines, but he did okay. I was proud of him after it all. He didn't whine too much but he overcompensated on the food because there was no way he was going to wait back in that line again. I was also proud of the kids. They didn't complain too much and didn't say the dreaded, "I'm hungry," over and over again, when really, we couldn't do anything about it. We did decide, however, that we would never, ever, on any future trip to Silverwood, buy food from the park. It was overpriced, over greasy, overly long waited for, fried food. What's the point? The only thing that kept us going was the thought of returning to Cafe Chulo's at the end of the day. It shone like a beacon for us in the distance. Fresh salads and roasted meats. Tasty fish tacos. Yum.

The older kids and I went on the Avalanche Mountain ride which was an absolute blast! My 6 year old laughed like a maniac the entire way down and both kids directly disobeyed my order to remain calm and not scream. (I was only kidding.) It was so much fun that hubby and the boy went for a second time. The girls and I spent a lot of time in the toddler springs and polliwog place which was a blast while the boys went to tackle the large water slides.

THE JERK AT POLLIWOG PLACE

Cool thing about Polliwog Place is that they have sprayers and hoses that you can blast perfect strangers. It's all in fun and people are generally pretty cool about it. I was holding the 2 year old to walk her up to the little slide when some jerk just started blasting me in the back. Usually, I'm pretty game, but I was walking the baby!!! I blocked her from the blast with my back but this jerk was relentless. When we finally made it down the slide, and I got the baby out of range, I turned back to deliver a scathing evil eye, only to realize it was my darling husband manning the hose. He did catch the evil eye, but it only made him laugh harder.

After we had dried off, we went back to the dry part of the park so the girls and I could explore the Garfield tree house (pretty cool) and the boys could get to the roller coaster they had missed the previous day. Turns out they waited extra long so they could be in the absolute first car. They had a great time. While they did the big roller coaster, the girls and I went on the tiny roller coaster. It went around part of the tree house 8 times. I know it was 8 times because the baby decided that it was too boring after the 5th revolution and tried to climb out. Thankfully, the coaster went so slow, she barely would have skinned a knee but I held onto her tightly anyway.

Cafe Chulo's hours are open until 10pm on Saturdays so when we pulled up at 9:30pm and saw the lights out, we were crestfallen. We went to the drive through and they said that it was so dead, they decided to close up early. What is wrong with the people in Coeur D'Alene? This is AWESOME Mexican food. Support this restaurant! But they were so great, they made up 4 fish tacos for us and we ate it in front of the Safeway while listening to the hits from the 70's, 80's & 90's.

More to come.

2007 Summer Vacation

WE DON'T NEED NO STINKIN' PLANNING

About 2 weeks ago, the day before we departed, my husband announced that we were all going on a family vacation road trip, to visit his sister and her family up in Canada. To say that they live out in the middle of nowhere would be unfair. Because they are so far on the edge of nowhere, people at the border crossing didn't know where we were headed. It is an uncomfortable feeling to have the border crossing agent ask where you're going and for him to say, "Where is that?" I was worried the full body cavity search was on its way because he thought we were making up the name of the town. It is McClennan, Alberta. Way, way, (and yes, one more) way north of Edmonton. We made a couple of fun stops before we made it there, and at one point, the bickering level in the car between the two older kids was so bad, the threat of nothing to eat but peanut butter sandwiches for the rest of the trip was made. But I'm getting ahead of myself.

We started out our journey, after a day of furious packing, locking up and oodles of laundry, by going to REI. We needed a luggage rack for the van because with the kids and a 5-day cooler, our van felt like the inside of a package filled with styrofoam peanuts. I didn't think we'd get hurt, but we had very little wiggle room. We bought a Yakima rack from a sales associate who looked strangely like the guy who played Robin on Batman Forever and Batman & Robin. So we will refer to him as Robin. Anyway, Robin met us in the bowels of REI to install the luggage case to our roof rack. He and my husband did a great job. They loaded up the case with the camping gear. Robin explained how to open and how to lock the beast. We waved goodbye to REI's Boy Wonder and were on our way to Idaho -- Silverwood Theme Park.

SLEEPING IN IDAHO

We arrived at the Sleep Inn about a 25 minute ride to the theme park. The kids had fallen asleep by then but perked up considerably when they saw that there was a pool and hot tub in the hotel. We were told by the gal at check in that as of that morning, the park had a line of cars several miles long outside of the parking entrance at opening, so we might have to go early. I cannot fully explain the sheer horror I felt at that announcement. We live in a sleepy small(ish) town and when a few cars are backed up on the main road, I get a little anxious.

I woke up at 6:30am. We hadn't arrived until 11pm the previous evening, but there I was at 6:30am. I quietly got dressed and went downstairs to see if they had the other great thing my kids love about hotels -- the waffle iron. And they did. All was right with the world. When the kids did wake up, there was much joy and dancing because the waffle iron was there. Okay, maybe no joy and dancing, but they were happy.

We hit the road a good half hour before the park's opening and managed to get there just before opening. We were let in and went on the log ride (which my husband managed to rig to spray extra water on us), repeatedly on the elephant ride (which looked suspiciously like Dumbo but as it isn't a Disney park they were just elephants) and also on an airplane ride. There were things for the 2 year old to do and a great time was had by all. There is a big sign before you enter the park that says that you may not bring outside food and drink into the park. I think that is pretty standard. Supposedly, "you'll love ours!" the sign also reads. Well, the first day, feeling a little poor, we went to the parking lot and raided our cooler. I love our cooler. It really does work and the ice stays frozen. But while we were out there, I said to my husband, "Why don't we put the camp chairs in the roof box? The kids feet are crowded by them." My husband saw merit in my suggestion and opened the box, just like Robin showed him how to do, tested the lock, just like Robin said, and the kids legs could dangle in the car once again.

We went back to the park and more fun was had by all. The last ride of the day was a family rafting ride. It was great, but managed to get us wet all the way down our pants, and the girl who was riding with us had her siblings waiting for her by the "pay $0.25 for extra water hosing of the passengers" so we were thoroughly drenched.

WHERE'S BATMAN WHEN YOU NEED HIM

We decided to get dinner at a nearby restaurant, instead of trying the delicious fried food at the park. So we loaded up in the van and off we were. The first sign that something was wrong was a strange flapping noise that lasted about 10 seconds and then was gone. When my husband looked in the rear view mirror, he saw the top of the roof rack flying off to the side of the road. Thankfully the flapping sound wasn't followed by the sound of squealing brakes and crushing metal. I have to say that the people of Idaho who were following us that day were amazing folks. A total of 5 cars stopped to help us. 3 had pulled over to the side of the road and gave us the stuff sacks and sleeping bags that they had collected. Only one sleeping bag was not recovered. A marine and his wife stopped to stay with me and our gear while my husband took the van and looked for the missing gear. Someone had said we lost a tent, but that turned out to be an erroneous report. What had happened was the front passenger side latch had failed. This created enough of a gap, that air blew under the lid an ultimately opened it. The bags had been flying out for a couple of miles so people were alerted to our problem and stayed well away from us. THANK GOD NOBODY WAS HURT. We were shaken and ultimately didn't return to the park that evening. We did, however, have the BEST Mexican food we'd ever had at CAFE CHULO. We went back to the hotel and swam in the pool there. Exhausted and grateful, we returned to our room. More to come.