Papa

It's father's day here in the USA. I am pretty certain it was a holiday given us by Hallmark. It's not a bad thing. Consider all the people employed by manufacturers of singing bass, silk ties, golf clubs, grill implements, and house slippers. Having Father's Day to cycle through all that inventory is a boon. Walked into the hardware store or sporting goods store lately?

Today, men across this great nation will fire up grills and cook outside -- not because they want to per se -- but because it is expected of them as fathers. There is something really primal about grilling food outside. I think it speaks to a man's inner Neanderthal. Bring home meat, make fire, burn meat, feed young.

Years ago we were all home for somebody's birthday for whatever reason. Dad wanted to get a gas grill for his Father's Day present. Oh the debates! My brother the chef dissuaded my dad from that choice. Yes, the fire comes on instantly. Yes, the clean up is easier. But Dad, the FLAVOR! My brothers and I ran over Dad with that one. You can't beat the flavor of the smokey carcinogens on a good piece of meat. We got Dad a Weber grill, and to make it even more ridiculous, we got a special edition Homer Simpson grill. To his credit, my chef brother made the best prime rib I've ever tasted on that grill to break that puppy in. In hindsight, I suppose we should have let Dad have the grill he wanted -- but in his way, he let us have what we wanted, just like always.

I have a father's day card that I bought ages ago. It was one of those that I meant to send to my dad but forgot and then figured I'd just send to him the next year. It is a little embarrassing how many cards like that I have. What I didn't know is that the next year never came for me. So this card is like a bad penny. It just keeps showing up -- a little emotional grenade that can derail me at a moment's notice.

This Christmas Eve marks the 10th anniversary of my dad's passing. The soul crushing grief has passed for me. It is still accessible though, and no less surprising. I remember watching a scene from Gray's Anatomy (a television show that I never got swept up into so I don't know the character's names) but one of the characters had lost his dad and said, " I don't know how I'm supposed to live without him." And the other person in the scene who had disclosed that she lost her father years ago said, "Me too."

It has been nearly a decade of Fathers Days for me with only my kids' dad to think about. And he's a fantastic dad. I chose incredibly well. I remember what sealed it. We were still a very new couple, but went to visit his family in LA. His niece was maybe 2 years old at the time and he sat on the floor with the limited toys at his parents' house and turned a beach pail and shovel into a hat and comb, a bowl and scoop, and a pirate's stump and hook, for his niece. She was a little shy at first because her uncle had been away for school. But within a few minutes, he was her favorite human being.

He revels in our children. Truly enjoys their company. He reminds me that they're interesting and fantastic people -- not just my daily grind. And after all these years, he still makes me laugh.

To celebrate this father's day we're going to grill up some steak, take in a show, and then head out to his favorite restaurant to get a heart attack inducing burger. Burn meat, feed young. Indeed.

Another difference between me and him

Me: So I offered to do her nails before she went away for the weekend.

Him: I don't understand.

Me: She's going on vacation. She wants her nails to look nice.

Him: What I don't understand is your willingness to do somebody else's nails. You'd have to touch them to do that.

Me: ...

Bodyrocking

My brother the fitness junkie turned me onto a website that promises to "get you in the best shape of your life, at home, for free." It is basically a bunch of workout schedules and YouTube videos with super fit & incredibly attractive 20-somethings showing you how to exercise in your living room. The equipment is very basic and they show you how to use what you might have instead of their equipment. Most of their stuff you could get for less than $200 total, I'm thinking.

Two days ago, I did the couplet workout featured on the website. The trainer goes through the routine on the video which lasts about 14 minutes long. She peppers in a bunch of encouragement along the way and reminds you that she's only asking for 12 minutes out of your day. Who cannot spare 12 minutes, right? Lacking in excuses, I made it through 4.5 of the 6 couplets before my legs turned to spaghetti and I needed a shower.

I figured that was pretty good for a first at bat and I should feel pretty pleased with myself.

The following day, I discovered that I had not properly hydrated myself. I knew this because of the enormous amounts of lactic acid that built up in my quadriceps. Oh my goodness my thighs were screaming. I found that walking down the stairs was especially excruciating for me. Each step down brought new groans of discomfort to my lips.

Painful, but good pain. Here comes the not so good pain.

So I made it downstairs where my teen aged son told me, "I thought you were carrying a heavy load down the stairs since you were making noises like you were struggling. I was going to help you carry it but then I saw that it was just you."

Ah... the pain of embarrassment. Ouch.

Net positive

Today, I got to go to the gym. It was a close thing because daughter #1 decided she wanted to go to the library and needed to be picked up at 5 PM. I hurriedly packed my gym bag and rushed out the door. Not a bad time because I wanted to take the 5:30 PM Zumba class. That would have been plenty of time to make it to the library, bring her home, and then get back to the gym. Of course, she ended up sitting somewhere else and I couldn't find her until 5:10 PM. I managed to make the class anyway thanks to the favor of the parking space faeries.

Zumba was especially fun because it was a new to me instructor. She was clearly a dancer. I didn't understand a lot of her cues just because this is exactly my 4th Zumba class ever. But half the fun of group fitness is screwing up the moves and looking like a fool. You still get your heart rate up no matter how ridiculous you look.

Lessons learned:

1. Pack your gym bag ahead of time -- well ahead of time, so you know you've done it right. I remembered to get new underwear for afterwards but apparently in my haste, I packed two bras and no panties. I also neglected to pack a fresh shirt. Grr. I did pack 2 sets of flip flops to shower.

2. I know she's only 11, but maybe it is time to rally behind the girl so she can get a cell phone.

That is all.

Mothers' Day 2012

Today is Mothers' Day 2012. For the past 3 years, we've gone to the brunch at Fort Worden State park. Believe it or not, I'm not that tied to traditions. I think every family tries to have their own traditions. I think this one is going to be one of ours. But it doesn't have to be. Usually, we gorge ourselves on breakfast goodies. We smuggle some of our leftover pork products out to the dog and play some hard recall practice for her. Then we walk on the beach no matter what the weather is. Somehow, that routine has become our Mothers' Day tradition. After we leave, I get to shop the thrift stores or nurseries in Port Townsend.

We got a pretty early seating. There was another family that I recognized from the island sitting at a table adjacent to ours. We were lucky that we didn't get seated at that table because they had some pretty bad karma there. First, when they were served their mimosas, the champagne flute broke and spilled all over grandpa. Second, when the chair back fell off of the dad's seat, I couldn't stop laughing. What are the chances?

Even if that other family never comes to brunch at Fort Worden again, we'll probably keep coming for as long as we live on this side of the water.

This morning we learned:

1. The dog responds best to bacon. There wasn't bacon at this morning's buffet and we ended up putting little pieces of roast tenderloin in my purse. Bacon can keep the dog from veering off course to chase birds. Pork tenderloin cannot.

2. There are different sections of the beach. The pier to the aquarium cuts the beach into the toddler section and the bikini clad teenager section. This year we went with my son and his 14 year old friend. While we were hanging out at the toddler beach, the boys wandered to the bikini section under the premise of getting water for the dog. It took a long time to get water for the dog.

3. If you take the scenic route home, you miss all of Port Townsend and their pretty little shops.

But I had a lovely time at the beach tossing the frisbee to my puppy. She made great strides in being able to jump into the water. Initially, she was fearful of jumping in, but when her beloved frisbee went a little too far into the water, she ran into the water to rescue it. So proud of her. I love it when I can tire her out. It isn't easy.

We also found out that there is a grocery mart in Chimacum that sells fresh wabbit (that's how they advertise it -- Elmer Fudd is on staff) and fun sodas. We especially liked the Fentimans dandelion & burdock soda.  I liked that they didn't carry anything from Pepsi or Coca Cola. Good on them for being different.

I'm having a happy sunny Mother's Day. Hope you are doing the same.

Glass half full

Yesterday I came across an article that has made me ever more aware of what I post on Facebook. I know that people are always telling you that what is out there in cyberspace is kind of like that famous slogan for Vegas:  What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas. Except here, Vegas is the Internet and is searchable within seconds. If you posted it, it is in the ether forever. I don't want my grandchildren being able to Google their Lola and discover pictures of me doing less than Lola-like things. Oh man, but you know that is going to happen, don't you?

So anyway, back to the Facebook thing. A friend of mine posted on his Facebook some study that shows that if you post negative status updates, you're more likely to have low self esteem. And if you have low self esteem, much like real life, you'll drive people away from you. In contrast, people with high self esteem are more likely to post positive updates and win friends & influence people.

Being the slightly neurotic person that I am, I went back over my status updates to see if I'm coming across as a low self esteem type person.

Oh. Sh!t.

Actually, there is all kinds of psychosis going on here, isn't there? I mean, what kind of person goes over old Facebook posts to figure out what kind of self esteem she has? OMFG, I'm a grown woman! This is crazy, isn't it? Shouldn't I have the self reflection skills to figure that out myself? Lord knows I stare at my navel enough.

Of course, that's not going to stop me from evaluating my Facebook posts.

There are two possible outcomes for this course of action:

1. I'll post more positive status updates.
2. I won't post very much on Facebook at all.

And like most things, I am going to overthink this. Crap.

Supernatural

I'm a good old lapsed Catholic. I'm also a cradle Catholic. So I was born into the faith, have partaken of the 5/7 of the sacraments. The only ones I haven't done are the holy orders & last rites. But those don't really pertain to me so I can't be faulted. Then again, maybe we should start every day taking last rites, considering you never know if this day will be your last. I'm veering off topic.

So today, since I'm a good old lapsed Catholic, I thought a bit about what other religions are out there that might appeal.

I decided to look at Buddhism. I figured that it is probably easy enough to get into. There doesn't seem to be weekly services, but I wouldn't know. And they seem to have a lot of peace and wisdom there. Maybe they're onto something.

I started where every person should start their journey of faith:  Google. I looked up the phrase "becoming a buddhist." Who know there would be a website with exactly that phrase on their page? I should have done the real test of faith and selected, "I'm feeling lucky," when I submitted the Google search.

It was interesting reading. I really liked the vows.

• Sentient Beings are numberless, I vow to save them all.
• Sufferings are inexhaustible, I vow to end them all.
• Dharmas are boundless, I vow to learn them all.
• The Buddha Way is unsurpassable, I vow to embody it.

Granted, I don't know what Dharmas or the Budda Way is, but the rest of the stuff there seems all good. How can you not want to be an instrument of salvation? How can you not want to end suffering? See all good.

I scrolled down and found the 5 precepts.

1. 1.  I practice the training of love, I refrain from killing.
2. 2.  I practice the training of generosity, I refrain from stealing.
3. 3.  I practice the training of contentment, I refrain from sexual misconduct
4. 4.  I practice the training of mindful speech, I refrain from harmful speech.
5. 5.  I practice the training of mindful consumption; I refrain from intoxicants & harmful substances that harm myself, society and the environment. 

The first one makes total sense. I'm on board with that. I don't kill people! That's crazy talk. Even in the Catholic way, we have that as number 5 in our rules. But then I thought, what if they're talking about killing anything? I remember hearing about Buddhist monks apologizing for the ants they might kill as they walked on the ground. That seemed excessive to me. Does this mean no beef? No pork? No delicious meat of any kind? I don't know if I can get on board with that. I'd have to think about that a little more.

Okay, no stealing is also in the Catholic rules (a.k.a. 10 commandments). I am with that one hundred percent. No stealing makes sense. It's wrong.

Number 3 is also acceptable and again with cross over with the 10 commandments, specifically #6. Yeah, I can do that.

Number 4 might be a challenge. There is a little bit of crossover with number 8 of the big 10 from Catholicism. But maybe this is a challenge that I can incorporate. Seriously, isn't it always better to be kind and compassionate with your speech. Words have energy and are powerful. It makes sense to use them with wisdom.

Then I came to number 5. "Training of mindful consumption," makes sense to me. There is the crossover to Catholicism with the classification of gluttony being one of the seven deadly or mortal sins. It isn't in the big 10, but definitely in the teachings.  It's why I like sunflower seeds. They're a snack food that you have to take the time to eat. You can't just inhale them the way you could a handful of nuts or chips. You have to crack open each one, appreciate each tiny seed as the gift if deliciousness it is. And then there was the second half of that precept.

"...refrain from intoxicants & harmful substances that harm myself, society and the environment."

What exactly are they talking about here? Crude oil? Probably. But the thing closer to my own life was alcohol. You're-the-reason-Mommy-drinks jokes aside, I like having a beer a few times a week. I like going out with friends and having a couple few drinks as a social lubricant. It feels grown up and definitely non-mommyish. There is something freeing about it that helps me keep my sanity. Could it be that this would be the hurdle too high to get me to switch to Buddhism from lapsed Catholicism? Yeah, that was it. I stopped reading the page after that.

Catholics drink. Proudly, boisterously, and enthusiastically. Cheers & Amen!