It most certainly will blend

I kind of want to start out this post by saying that I am not a lecherous old woman. That probably isn't the best way to start out a story in which I'm drooling over smoothies and a particular smoothie maker at the Costco, but I needed to put that out there. You can disagree with me if you like but I know in my heart that I'm still a good girl.

Last week Friday, yes, I appreciate that it was Good Friday, I went shopping with my friend Sharon at Costco. We were stocking up for our Easter festivities. Sharon was going to be hosting an Easter egg hunt and then we were going to have supper together. Good wholesome family fun. Because of this, Costco had pulled out all stops. A lot of people had Good Friday off so the place was jam packed. There were dozens of vendors sampling candies, roasts, desserts, hors d'oeuvres, and beverages. It was a bonanza. Lil'T was in foraging bliss. And right across the way from the produce aisle was the Blendtec booth.

Blendtec is the company made famous by a series of YouTube videos called, "Will It Blend?" Thing is, I love these blenders. I've had mine for about 3 years now. The thing is a workhorse. It makes breakfast smoothies from start to clean up in less than 5 minutes, which makes me get on with my day faster. Always a good thing. It crushes ice like all the other blenders claim to be able to do. They don't even come close. 3 horse power, baby! But for all that power on your kitchen counter, you need to pony up (see what I did there?) about $400. It is a lot to ask for when a lesser blender can cost you about $50. *cough* Magic Bullet *cough*

Blendtec has figured out what car companies have known for decades. You want to sell your outrageously priced convertible sports car to some middle aged dude with more money than sense, then put it next to a hot chick. This does not mean that the car is lesser somehow. I'm sure it can go fast. But if you want to convince a guy that he needs to get the job of tooling down the highway done in that fancy car versus an economical hybrid, you put a pretty young thing next to that car and pretty soon the guy is signing away the kids' college money.

The demo guy was whole fruit juicy. Unlike the car show girls, he was not wearing a swimsuit or even a tuxedo. He was dressed in chinos, baseball cap, and long sleeved polo shirt. All Blendtec approved apparel. But on his frame it was blenderlicious. Clearly the boy worked out. And tanned. And he *made* you want to have a smoothie.

So aside from that, he was demonstrating my favorite appliance in my kitchen. I had remembered that my friend Julia had recently broken her sorry excuse for a blender. She has a history of coveting my kitchen appliances. She's even borrowed my Kitchenaid mixer. After she had used it, she threatened not to return it without a ransom. Problem is, once your eyes have been opened to what a good amount of power can do for you in the kitchen, you can't go back to your "sold in the Rite Aid next to the baby wipes" type of appliance. You'll want power that you don't just turn on. You wield.

I'd seen the Blentec demonstration a few times since I had gotten my blender. Since Julia's blender was broken, I had a reason to go ask the Blendtec guy a question about what was in the box, what sized carafe was included, etc. All under the umbrella of being a helpful friend. I texted her the 411 and since there was only one more day of Blentec at Costco, I wanted to pick one up for her if she needed it. Sharon asked what was the difference between her Oster (laughable) blender and the Blendtec.

Dude, is there any better excuse to have to watch the whip me/frap me demo guy do is pitch?

I sauntered over there with Lil'T in tow, and said that I had a friend who needed convincing. I had made his day.

"It is better for me to just show you rather than try to tell you how this blender is better than the one you have at home..."

This was great. I had a front row pass to pulsemaster demo guy. I could soak in all the handsome dude goodness and not seem too lecherous. Slowly a crowd began to form. There were about 15 people there. There were 2 kids, one dude, and the rest were women. Well played Blendtec, well played.

One gal behind me started asking questions. "When you're blending whole fruit, can you put in the whole thing, or should you peel them?"

"Depends on which kinds."

"Well, take bananas for instance..." I want you to read that in the most sultry and suggestive tone that you can muster. The poor demo guy. Sure, I was enjoying the view but I wasn't trying to flirt. He answered her questions and while the blender was running that same gal said, "I think I understand but I might need an in home demonstration." At this point, just about every woman in the crowd laughed. Blender dude was blissfully ignorant. At least I hope he was.

We were mid-tortilla soup demo when Lil'T lost her patience. At her height, her head was just about level with the motor of the blender and with our front row view, she was unhappy about the noise. I promised her that in the end he would be making ice cream so she was content to wait out the ridiculously long demo for ice cream. Her hands were firmly placed over her ears. Oh the things she will endure for ice cream.

At last it was ice cream time. He started out pretty good. He made almond milk using almonds and water and the Blendtec. Then he added agave syrup (yuck--90% fructose) and ice cubes. Still acceptable from Lil'T's point of view. It was when he put in spinach that she turned around and looked at me with daggers in her eyes. Poor girl. But it was still ice cream, right? She did take the sample but told me later that she would never eat spinach ice cream ever again in her life. I don't blame her.

Sharon did ultimately buy a blender. She opted for red. Blenderlicious demo guy mentioned that red was really popular and he was sure he would sell out shortly. It is no mystery as to why red is selling out faster than the staid black or traditional white. He had whipped these women up into a frenzy (punny yet?) and red is the color of desire and passion. Shoot, isn't that why all those sports cars out there are red?

Opposites

Dad:  What is the opposite of hungry?

Lil'T:  Pizza!

Lasts a lifetime

The other day I was at some store and saw a woman who was maybe my age or perhaps a few years younger. Anyway, she looked like your average housefrau. She was dressed in jeans and a shirt, nothing remarkable. The reason why I noticed her though was that she had an interesting tattoo on the back of her neck. It looked like jaguar spots, except all brown. It took me a second for just the right brain cell to engage for me to remember why that looked so familiar. She had tattooed her neck to look like a Trill from Star Trek: DS9.

Can you imagine that? What a freak! I mean, a decision you make in your twenties (maybe) to look all cool like Jadzia Dax from Star Trek won't look so cool when you're an octogenarian and the series has been gone for half a century! All I could see was her neck. What if the spots go "all the way down," as Jadzia used to say. YIKES! Sure she was probably the talk of the town at the Comic Con when she was a youngin' but now... What if she had her name changed to Jadzia and made her husband change his to Worf? That's just crazy talk. Her husband wasn't with her but I wonder what they named the kids. Ezri? Bashir? Narisse? Riker? Oh wait.

Nevermind.

People watching at its finest

My nephews are mental about trains. They are 6 and 3 years old so it is understandable. My boy was briefly into trains but much more into dinosaurs and Spiderman at that age. How great is it that they live in San Francisco where there is light rail. My brother said that it would be an adventure for us to ride the MUNI light rail so that they kids could go through the tunnel on the train. We'd even be able to see some real cable cars at our destination.

We wanted to take in the "world famous San Francisco Ferry Plaza Farmers' Market," which is one of those events/places that just must not be missed. According to my brother David, the whole farmers' market organic movement had its birth here. One might say that this farmers market is the model for others across the country. (One who lives in SFO. Clearly not one who lives in Seattle whose Pike Place market started in 1907 because of outrage over the price of onions, but I'm not going to argue with my brother the chef. This is his turf.) The ferry plaza was remodeled about 5-6 years ago and so it is a great draw. 

It was a slightly overcast day this morning so we bundled the kids up on sweaters and light jackets and set off. We drove to a neighborhood towards the beginning of the L route train. I am thinking it was near the SF Zoo. We were the first to get on the train and it was a good lesson for my kids to learn some mass transit etiquette. I insisted my boy give up his seat for a senior citizen (with a cane I might add) who was trying to find a seat. Surprisingly, the people towards the front of the car did not stand up for them but I was very proud that my boy did without complaint. Later I had my kids and my niece double up so more people could get a seat on the train. It was actually a good lesson in consideration and compassion for all. 

We went to David's favorite burger place on the waterfront where none of us ordered burgers. I had Ahi Poke tacos. Clever idea. Wish it were really Hawaiian style poke, but it was good anyway. I also tried the Blue Bottle Coffee iced New Orleans coffee. It was quite good. My brother said that their individually brewed drip coffee is not to be missed but it was far too warm outside. I'm sure I'll have another opportunity to try their coffee  before we depart.

While the rest of our party played, 'Cess went to brave the long lines at the ladies' room. You would think that by this time, meaning the 21st century, architects and planners for public places would know that women need more stalls; that boys can stand and need fewer stalls. And yet, there are still never any lines at the boys' room and always 15 - 20 people deep lines at the girls' room. I say people because moms bring boys in to the girls' room all the time. Anyway, while I was waiting for my daughter to get out of the bathroom, I got to witness a little bit of crazy that big cities attract.

I sat on a bench out by the water when a man came by walking very purposefully. He had a kind of scowl on his face and he held a paper grocery bag in his left hand by the handles; his hand clenched in a fist. In his right hand, he was gesturing like he was holding a spider by the web. You know, like when you are trying to put a spider outside from the house and it keeps dropping more web so you try to wind it up on your hand so you can get outside the door. I couldn't see the spider, but I assumed it was there as he didn't seem to be off kilter at the time, aside from his general angry demeanor. He walked over to the railing and appeared to throw the spider out in the water. Well, that is until he appeared to be punching some invisible foe over the side of the railing and angrily muttering to himself the whole while. After he ostensibly defeated that foe, he walked away from the railing and then turned back towards it glowering. He again walked back to the railing and gesticulated with his right arm and hand like he was fighting zombies that only he could see. He then stomped off back into the market. Aside from the general wackiness of the situation, what was surprising to me was that nobody else seemed to notice this guy being strange. They were all in their own worlds and I kept scanning the faces of the people around me to see if they were noticing what I was noticing. Nobody was. That was a strange experience to be so crowded with people but be completely alone in my observations.

Holy crap! Maybe I'm the one with the imaginary zombies. 

But the best part of the day came when we made our way back on light rail to the neighborhood where we parked the cars. I sat by myself and waited for the people to load on the train. The second stop we were at, we were inundated with a sea of humanity coming on board. My brother later told me that all the buses in the city dump out at that particular stop to connect with light rail. An older Chinese woman sat down beside me as she was one of the first on the train, but when the numbers of humans just kept coming, I said, "Wow..." to nobody in particular, but the lady beside me echoed my amazement. "Wow."

She had clearly just come from the same farmers market that I had been to. She had 3 grocery bags full of produce. It all looked wonderful. She was happily snacking on some clementines. It was around this time that I realized that there was a very twitchy guy standing, well, barely standing at the front of the train. He was barely steady on his feet and moving around like there was music playing. Messed up midi synchronizer type music, but still music only in his mind. I realized that I was staring at him so I did the rational thing. I lowered my sunglasses over my eyes so I could watch him undetected. You know, like how the secret service does. Except for the fact that their sunglasses are mirrored so you can't see their eyes. Hell, I was only trying to fool a twitchy guy. And I happened to be on a train in a tunnel so wearing my sunglasses was completely ludicrous.

It was about this time that I heard some shouting from the front of the train. Lucky me, I had second row seating. Two women were in a very loud and very foul altercation with a rough looking young latin man. According to my brother (who is far more worldly that his hick sister about city life) the young man was obviously in a gang as he was wearing his colors under his hoodie -- red. Take that as you will, but apparently he was getting a little too close to one of the women and when the other woman told him to back off, tempers flared. That is the very washed down version of events. I give credit to the woman who apparently was the object of the inappropriate touching. She jumped up between her friend and this man and kept repeating that this was no big deal. Everybody just needed to calm down and just drop it. Neither her friend nor this young man were about to back down. Strains of Heart's "If Looks Could Kill..." were streaming through my consciousness and also the worry that I had to somehow shield my kids and the cousins from harm. I don't know exactly what I'd do. It was a great relief when the two women left the train, but not before a renewed flurry of foul racial and misogynistic slurs were shouted at them by our gang banger. You should know that I did take my sun glasses off by then because if I had to go all mama bear on this guy, I needed to be ready.

Twitchy guy told gang banger guy that he had hoped to see gang banger guy beat down the two women. Nice. After gang banger guy left, Twitchy guy sat down next to droolly-swollen-lip lady. She wasn't all that interesting to watch, aside from the fact that she couldn't seem to close her mouth and subsequently drooled all over herself. She was using a cell phone which makes me think that maybe she had some emergency dental work done. Twitchy Guy was actually a lot of fun to watch. Aside from his bizarre midi dance moves, he was carrying a purple and pink floral back pack with a random assortment of treasures inside. He offered to sell some cd's from the back pack to the passengers near him. He never asked me. My favorite moment with Twitchy Guy was when he bent over and picked up a used kleenex off the floor of the train. In keeping with this city's general reduce, reuse, recycle fervor, Twitchy Guy cleaned out both of his nostrils with a thorough reaming out with the found kleenex. I did mention that it was a used kleenex, right? A powerful argument against illegal drug use right there.

I turned to my seat mate and asked her, "does mass transit here always have so much drama?"

She responded, "You like," gesturing to the oranges in her bag, "only one dollar." (I'm hoping that wasn't too offensive.) She clearly didn't speak any English. So there I was, alone again with my thoughts. Again hoping that I wasn't the only one seeing phantom zombies.